1. The Pro

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They get shit done. They carry a gram in their pocket at all times and another gram in their shoe incase they finish the one in their pocket. In the time it would take you to pack a bowl, they've already rolled two of the cleanest joints you've ever seen in your life. You'd call them a stoner, but that sounds like an insult and their propensity for getting high is much more deserving of praise than rebuke. They've clearly made a skill out of getting stoned. Also, even if you did want to insult them, you wouldn't because they usually give you weed and you're not ready to severe that connection just yet. 



2. The One Who "Doesn't Know What They're Doing"

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They start acting dumb long before the effects of the THC kick in. Despite the fact that you've gotten high with them multiple times, they still pretend like they're some naive do-gooder who never touches the stuff. After walking them through how to use the bong they've used countless times before, you have to hold the lighter for them as they inhale and ask, "Did I do it right?" They seem to think that the longer they play dumb, the longer nobody will notice that they're just a huge mooch, but the truth is that most people noticed ages ago.




3. The One Who Actually Doesn't Know What They're Doing

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You know that this person isn't faking the fact that they don't know what they're doing because they try to act like they DO know what they're doing and fail miserably. Not only did they call it "herb", they also just put the lighter to the bottom of the pipe like it's heroine or something. When they finally do get some smoke, they cough for a solid 10 minutes in the most pained way imaginable. Since it's clear they don't do this much, you wonder why they started now. You start to think that maybe you inadvertently peer pressured them into smoking herb and feel like one of those douchey bad influences they teach you about in health class.




4. The Relapser

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In a past life, they were a pro but then they grew up. They reached a point where getting high felt too childish and left it all behind....except right now for some reason. Maybe their kids are at their grandparents or maybe they had a really stressful meeting that day, but in either case they've decided to dip back into their old ways. Though they seem to be enjoying themself, it still feels a little bit awkward. Whatever muscle they had that made smoking with them fun seems to have atrophied, and now it just kinda feels like hanging out with your parents.




5. The One Who REALLY Enjoys It

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You thought you liked weed, but not compared to this person you don't.  They way it hit them, it seems like they have some sort of special chemical in their body for getting high that you don't produce. They laugh like a monster at every dumb thing they see. They eat food with an enthusiasm usually only seen in people who've been trapped in a dungeon all day. They question anything and everything about their own existence. They're having the time of their life. Honestly, you'd be jealous of them if they didn't look like such an idiot right now. 




 

6. The One Who Doesn't

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You've smoked with this person on many occasions and you don't know why. They honestly seem to hate weed. When they toke up they only seem to get the negative effects. They spend the entire looking paranoid and freaking out about their own mortality. They don't laugh once, or even make a noise. You don't know what it is their getting out of the experience, but it must be something because no matter how many experiences they have, they always end up coming back for more.




7. The Tryhard

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You're not sure if they're actually high or if they just watched a Cheech and Chong movie once and are channeling that. They certainly WANT you to believe that they're high because they keep telling you over, and over, and over again. They kinda look seem like if your mom wrote a screenplay and included a stoner character in it. Their highness is so performed and over the top that you'd swear they were a really bad narc if they weren't one of your good friends. Smoking weed is fun, but it's not cool like this person thinks it is. Trying to act like it is demeans us all.