Mother gave beautiful birth to these tweets. Now they are yours to take care of. Laugh, love and learn from them, just like our parents did from us. Be responsible, do not abandon your children, they need to suckle your teet. The need the nectar only you can provide. Give them likes, retweets and follow the comics. This is your chance to change a tweets life.
1. I'm not __ years old.
If someone ever tells me I look my actual age I will walk into the ocean-- Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) May 31, 2018
2. You gotta wife it up.
This woman was walking around NYC with this label on her shoe and now she's my wife pic.twitter.com/T8UvFYgokv-- Katrin (@KatraHigher) May 31, 2018
3. Math can be hrad
finally figured out why they call cops "12"-- 1994 Subaru Outback (@Sadieisonfire) May 31, 2018
you have to call 911 for the cops
9 + 1 + 1 = 12
can't believe I never realized it 😂🤦♂️
4. Actually... Great question
u think elephants got booger all up and down their trunks-- Ross Snow (@MessJenkins) January 16, 2018
5. They're leaving flowers for her mother
Wow camoflage really does work pic.twitter.com/RreLgS1u8E-- teen (@babbyvietcong) May 30, 2018
6. Damnit autocorrect, you butch!
When it autocorrects bitch to butch pic.twitter.com/O3g6vBwhpl-- Avery Homer (@excusememisss_) May 29, 2018
7. He would def get laid more
Need to write a viral tweet before bed ummmmmm ok got it.-- TÁlan (@alan_maguire) May 29, 2018
ok sure Big Bird is a pretty big bird but relatively speaking Kermit is a fucking huge frog they should have called him Big Frog
8. The words of Christ.
"yup" -db pic.twitter.com/h1RX5BcKvN-- dorto chipe (@dogboner) May 31, 2018
9. Rawr lol xD
me: hi-- gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) May 31, 2018
hot topic cashier: 🖤 :3 nightmare before christmas🔪💉🖤
hot topic cashier: i said have a nice day
10. The whites live and die by the code
"Racism is indefensible but here's a defense of it." - white people proverb-- Rhea Butcher 🛠🇵🇷 (@RheaButcher) May 30, 2018
11. INCLUDE me!
If I notice my friends laughing in a conversation I'm not included in I just shriek, "STOP!!" Then I stare at them for a few seconds. Then I say, "stop." In a much calmer but stern voice.-- John Reynolds (@JohnReynoldss) May 31, 2018
12. And a good first meme to share.
This is the first meme I've ever shared but it's a day of firsts so... pic.twitter.com/5glv1VjU1H-- Jane Bradley (@jane__bradley) May 30, 2018