If you haven't realized that Twitter is a website that'll bring you great joy, then you're missing out. Not only will you find things that'll tickle your pickle and stroke your funny bone, but it'll make your day feel just a little less stupid. And if you're thinking we got oddly sexual with our metaphors, it's just because humor just gets us so goddamn excited.

So sit back, relax and enjoy a healthy dose of Vitamin LOL. 


1. Do I have to like, water it every day or...?

2. The fuck is this shit? I don't want this stranger's baby. 

3. No grandpa, you aren't having a stroke 'cause you smell toast. You're just on fire. 

4. You can't argue with facts, my friends.

5. I don't know, I don't trust the look on that duck's face.

6. This kid is gonna be a goddamn star. 

7. My cat is such a pussy. 

8. There's nothing more powerful in the world than a tall lasagna. 

9. Looks like the teacher needs to go back to listening school.

10. YOU'RE WELCOME, SIR.

11. Ugh, I guess. 

12. Do we have to pick them?

13. It's the little things in life that really make this place tolerable.