Welcome to the very first installment of Uncle Jesse's Hairstyle Guide. Hopefully this can become a full time project, depending on your reception. To begin with we are going to focus on the "Pineapple."



Small background on the pineapple, it was originally made famous by poor people and white basketball players. And still only worn by the two. Poor people/whiteys love this hairstyle because its easy to maintain and looks great soaked in sweat. Now I will give you, the average reader, step-by-step guide to having your very own "pineapple" haircut.

1. Get a terrible haircut, make sure to tell the barber short everywhere except the bangs. Essentially a backwards mullet.

2. Comb it forward so it covers your forehead.


Now the next couple steps are optional, depending on your environment

If playing basketball: sweat alot, so much that each strand singles itself out, so you can see every individual hair.

If going to the club/or meeting the parents of the girl you impregnated: put gel in, and don't go easy, lube that shit up. Make sure to comb out every hair hangin down, much like the sweat tactic. If you want to be noticed, you gotta make sure every strand of hair has its day in the sun!


And finally to really pull out that pineapple look make sure to follow up with the following:
1. Big glass stud earring
2. Oversized white t-shirt
3. A nice pair of jean shorts

And thats it folks, follow these simple steps and you too can look poor or like you're about to ball with the homies, holla

Next issue we will discuss the "Guido Blowback"