Videos
All Originals
Adam Ruins Everything
Batman
Hardly Working
Jake and Amir
Comics
Love/Relationships
Movies/TV
Food
WTF
Life
Politics
All Articles
Shop
CollegeHumor
Follow
A Guy Goes Tanning
Jake Hurwitz
@jakehurwitz
March 7, 2007
A guy walks into a tanning salon
Girl Clerk
: Hello sir, how are you?
Guy
: I'm okay, thanks. I-
Girl Clerk
: Are you picking someone up?
Guy
: Oh-
Girl Clerk
: Let me guess, short blonde? She's going to be done in-
Guy
: No, no I'm not. I'm actually-
Girl
Clerk
: Oh a gift certificate? Well those come in either sessions or-
Guy
: Listen, I'm not here for a gift certificate.
Girl
Clerk
: I hope your not asking me out, I have a boyfriend.
Guy
: I'm not. I-
Girl
Clerk
: You need directions? There's a gas station right next do-
Guy
: I need a room.
Girl
Clerk
:
Guy
: A room. A tanning bed. Whatever you call it, you know, a room.
Girl
Clerk
: I don't understand.
Guy
:
(Leaning in)
I want to pay you to lie in a bed and get a tan.
Girl
Clerk
: Excuse me, I am not going to lie in bed and get a tan with you.
Guy:
(Sternly)
I didn't say "with me."
Another customer walks in
Customer
:
(To Guy)
Are you in line?
Guy
: Pssht, no.
(Looks at Clerk and vigorously shakes his head)
Girl
Clerk
: Yes, yes you just asked me for a room.
Guy
: Ha! No I didn't, are you crazy?
(turns to customer)
She's crazy.
(To cashier)
I didn't ask for a room you crazy bitch.
Girl
Clerk
: You absolutely did.
(Typing furiously on a computer)
Ok, room 10 is available.
Customer
:
(Stares at Guy)
Guy
: Oh so now you competely understand what I'm talking about, huh? Listen, I'm just picking up a gift certificate for my girlfriend.
(Turns to Customer)
She's so hot.
Customer
:
(Nods)
Another male customer walks in
Guy
: Look! Guys tan, I told you!
Customer 2
: I'm picking up my girlfriend, homo.
Guy
: Me too, douche bag I was kidding.
Customer 2
: Oh, I was kidding too. I'm actually getting a tan.
Guy
: Oh really? Nice, me too.
Customer 2
: Gotcha, faggot!
Guy
: You wish.
Customer 2
: What?
Guy
: Yeah
Girl
Clerk
:
(To Guy)
Oh wait, I know you. your name is in the computer. Hang on.
(Furiously types)
Yeah, you've got 7 sessions left.
Guy
:
(Laughing nervously)
No, I don't think that's me.
Girl
Clerk
: Nope, there's a picture of you right here. You're name is-
Guy
:
(Suddenly lunges at the computer, picks up the monitor and hurls it through the glass window. Everyone sits in stunned silence)
You know what, I have a few errands to do. Just tell my girlfriend to text me when she gets out. Lates.
(Guy angrily storms out)
Girl Clerk
:
(Looking out the window)
I don't believe this.
(Outside, Guy has changed into a speedo and is lying on the hood of his car.)
Guy
:
(Suddenly notices everyone looking at him.)
Faggots!
Comments
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.