Now on Mondays, where we won't have to compete with American Idol!
An IM Conversation With a Horse
Racecar23430: hey there Bootsy! how ya likin the new computer?
i_heart_oats22: bn .,.lovvikdc7fyvm,n.,bnmcxcvf
Racecar23430: uh……
i_heart_oats22: gmnn,gmsavcb6mhnghvbnikv
i_heart_oats22:nm,bv ntu,m
i_heart_oats22 signed off at 2:19:04 PM
Garagenous Zone (noun) - The area in which your garage door remote is effective.
-P.M.
True Hip Hop Fact
Snoop Dogg invented the word "pizza." Before, it was just called "pa."
Times Not to Knock on Wood
"I hope the serial killer doesn't know I'm in the closet!"
Pun Intended
I knew the barber was into beastiality when he started putting extensions in my hare.
-Josh Riman
Guy Trying To End His Relationship on a Cell Phone Going Through a Tunnel
"Wait… Hold on… We’re breaking up.”
I don't understand why I can't get a girlfriend. I'm as confused as Lieutenant Geordi La Forge was as he examined the Enterprise's faulty warp drive during the season 3 finale of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Least Promising First Line of a Children's Book
"Rapunzel's lice were getting stronger, and more jingoistic."
-Kiernan Schmitt
I didn't say anything about the inflated price of movie tickets, but pre-trailer advertisements are too much for me to take. I'm not paying $11 to be bombarded by cheap consumerist blather! The fat cats running the theater chains will only listen if we boycott their product, which I suggest we do immediately after next Friday's release of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Catcalls Never Directed At Black Woman
"Hey baby, does the carpet match the curtains?"
A gay dude who lives down the street told me that he's "got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one." Not being allowed home for Christmas is one though.
An Unhelpful Mnemonic Device
In fourteen hundred and ninety-two, a peasant somewhere ate some stew.
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