Amir: I think I'd rather sleep with Kevin Durant than any Lady Tiger. No offense, he's just so talented!
Ethan: I'm just surprised that someone, somewhere found a women's basketball player attractive. But we'll save the rest of this for our WNBA blog: Swin Cash, Homey. Any general pointers on filling out a bracket?
Amir: Take no upsets. You hear me? Every year brackets are ruined by brave souls who think they can foresee upsets. Don't be an idiot. See the numbers next to that team name? Pick the lower one. Then when it gets to all ones? Pick at random. Every year my mother told me to pick the very best one and you are it.
Ethan: I'm a fan of looking at defensive statistics; the easiest upsets to pick are overrated big-conference schools who don't play D. Every year a bunch of them get dropped by smaller schools who can score in bunches. Also, if Tubby Smith coaches a team, don't bet on it. Ever. He's turning into the college basketball Isiah Thomas, and not in an unstoppable-point-guard-for-Indiana kind of way. Thoughts on the East region?
Amir: This may be the toughest region because so many people like Georgetown and Texas and UNC to get to the final four. Unfortunately only one will survive. I, of course, like UNC because they have the highest seed. I would like to see Oral Roberts play George Washington though.
Ethan: Why? Those teams aren't even entertaining.
Amir: Oh. No. Not the teams. The guys. Oral Roberts vs. George Washington. Imagine that amazing one-on-one! I bet G-Dub has a sweet midrange jumper.
Ethan: I like Oral Roberts (the team) over Washington State in the first round when the first ball drops on the Pac 10 being wildly overrated. If that happens, Georgetown will walk into the regional final, and their one-two punch of Green and Hibbert is going to be tough for the Kevin Durant Traveling All-Stars to beat.
Amir: It's important to note that there are key players named Hibbert AND Chalmers in the tourney this year.
Ethan: We haven't seen so many minor Simpsons character names come up since Brian Sideshowmel and Eric Comicbookguy led Valparaiso on a magical run years ago. Georgetown comes out of this one. So you're taking Carolina? I'm not too crazy about Tyler Hansbrough wearing this mask. Who does he think he is, Luscious Harris?
Amir: I like the Tar Heels. They're a one seed aren't they? South Bracket. WHO YA GOT!?
Ethan: This bracket is the weakest, right? The 2 seed is Memphis, and several intramural teams played harder schedules than they did this year.
Amir: I still can't believe the 9th Floor Basket-BALLERS! were snubbed. They had an RPI of 14!
Ethan: Memphis is out in the second round to Nevada, who somehow fell to a 7 seed even with Nick Fazekas, whose name sounds like it should be some debilitating form of palsy. I'm seeing Texas A&M versus Ohio State in the final, with Ohio State winning.
Amir: Before I go on, I want to just note that the most annoying thing about the NCAA tournament is that all brackets you view online are sideways. My neck is killing me.
Ethan: I just turn my laptop on its side, but now typing is damn near impossible.
Amir: Anyway, I hate to deviate from my plan so early, but there is no way Ohio State is reaching the final four. They are way too one dimensional. I see a lower seeded team just going all in on Oden and seriously disrupting their offense. Central Connecticut State has nothing to lose? Why not quadruple team him? You're on national TV! Life is good!
Ethan: Ah yes, your annual 16 over 1 prediction. That'll work sooner or later!
Amir: I'm due! Anyway, That leaves me with Texas A&M reaching the final four because they refuse to lose and are playing close to home. Plus, I love any player with a roman numeral on the back of his jersey. It's cultured.
Ethan: Fair enough. Go West, young bracket guesser.
Amir: Last year I had the bright idea to take Belmont over UCLA in round 1. I wanted to be the genius who predicted a 15 over 2. This year I learned my lesson. I have UCLA over Kansas. And my upset special is a Syracuse student not complaining while watching these games. Also, I can't believe Duke is a 6 seed.
Ethan: Here's the thing: I grew up hating Duke. In college, Duke was our biggest rival. I absolutely can't stand Coach K. I'd rather punch my mother than cheer for them. But although they're not as good as usual, they aren't terrible, either. They can beat UCLA, especially if they can use their D to make sure UCLA's guards lay an egg. Like I said, Pac 10 is wildly overrated. God, I feel so dirty picking Duke to the regional final. Kansas will destroy them, though, and all will be well.
Amir: East, West, South and Midwest. Welcome to the Tournament, where North doesn't exist!
Ethan: The Midwest has a lot of good teams who are all completely beatable. I kind of want Florida to keep winning just so we can see Joakim Noah dance again.
Amir: He's the Mark Madsen of my generation.
Ethan: Has Noah reached the point where he's America's most famous ugly person? Who's got him beat? Karl Rove? I kind of like Georgia Tech to give Wisconsin fits in the second round, but mostly because Wisconsin is the most incredibly boring team to watch. It's like 1930's basketball, including a stoppage of play after every score so someone can pull the ball out of the peach basket.
Amir: Don't diss 30's basketball. Check out the skill, the determination, and what is that? A two-hand set shot! Why that's revolutionary! They're Herbert Hoover's lock of the millenium! Right up there with crude oil.
Ethan: Stop that. I like Florida to come out of the region, but except for Wisconsin and the Gators, I think anyone could be upset in the first round of this region.
Amir: I also have Florida. They did, after all, win the whole thing last year. My upset special lock of the year, and write this one down: Old Dominion in the sweet sixteen. Did you write it down yet?
Ethan: Sorry, I prefer teams that can win the Colonial, not ones that come in second. Who do you like to win it all?
Amir: Well my final four is Florida, UNC, Texas Agriculture and Mining, and UCLA. Wouldn't a Florida/UCLA rematch in Atlanta be awesome? I have Florida winning that game, then beating UNC and becoming the first repeat champs since your favorite team did it in 91-92. It's also interesting to note that in my last 5 brackets, I think I'm 311-4. Which is pretty good!
Ethan: I'm taking Georgetown over Kansas in the final. Patrick Ewing will look on, try to smile, and his face will shatter.
Ethan:Got an interesting bracket fact?
Amir: Record for blocks in a single game? Twelve. By a Mr. Shaquille O'Neal in 1992. And even crazier, LSU lost the game!!
Ethan: Wo, really?
Amir: Nah, they won. My interesting fact was a little dull so I thought I'd spice it up.
Ethan: Okay, stay tuned for tomorrow's breakdown of the women's bracket. Can Candace Parker win it all? Do we even know who Candace Parker is? Probably not!
Amir: Goodnight, NIT fans!
What is your final four? Who's your Cinderella? We want to know! Leave a comment/complain about Syracuse below!