Memphis, TN – Local gardening aficionado and Green Beret Captain Rick Jones says his unit doesn't deserve the "Special Forces" label one bit. "I mean, take Corporal Tuscani for instance," Captain Rick said. "So what if he can crush a Red Bull can against his eyeball? You tell me what the hell's so special about that?"

An interview with a South American drug smuggler also seemed to confirm Capt. Jones's assertion. Said Rico Vasquez, "I mean, sure they napalmed my village into extinction, but it was kinda like, "'meh.'"