Need to prove your comedic prowess to your fellow bro-mo sapiens? Can’t find the words to whisper sweet nothings into your girlfriend’s ear? Don’t know how to address that email to your professor? Well then, this guide is for you.

A properly delivered insult can have marvelous effects on your relationships with others. How are you ever going to be able to come up with fresh insults, you ask? Simple, my friend. Just follow this insult template:

1. Pick any swear word that’s a noun.
2. Pick a verb that either implies ingestion, close contact, affection or any combination thereof.
3. Pick another swear word that’s a noun.
4. Combine the word you picked in #3 with a food item.

For example:

“You piss guzzling nazi-salad!”

And remember, the more asinine the insult, the better the results! It doesn't matter if the combination you choose doesn't make sense — confusing your helpless victim is a bonus and sure to ensue hilarity!

Below is a sample list of words you can use. Column A includes dirty nouns, so-called swear words, and can be amended to your liking. While by no means complete, Column B is a list of verbs to be used in your future insults, and should be restricted to verbs that imply ingestion, close contact, or affection. Column C presents a list of food items, and allows for the most artistic freedom – use any food item you prefer, because let’s face it, the Nazi-salad you’re talking to would probably eat anything.



Column A
Column B
Column C
Cunt
Shit
Turd
Fuck
Ass
Douche
Ball
Testicle
Cock
Dick
Nut
Sack
Pussy
Piss
Cum
Ass
Bitch
Twat
Tit
Whore
Fat
Dyke
Fag
Nazi
Queer
Queef
Slut
Asshole
Bastard
Anal
Licking
Eating
Loving
Sucking
Kissing
Worshiping
Guzzling
Gobbling
Chugging
Sniffing
Pounding
Riding
Grinding
Banging
Drinking
Inhaling
Rubbing
Busting
Squeezing
Peddling

Waffle
Egg
Juice
Butter
Froth
Foam
Fluff
Cheese
Dumpling
Noodle
Nugget
Tostada
Fritter
Cream
Salami
Taco
Jelly
Sausage
Meat
Jam
Pancake
Salad
Syrup
Broth
Sandwich
Pizza
Soup
Souffle
Twinkie
Bean
Tortilla
Brocolli
Bologna