Hey man, it’s me, Snood. Yeah, I know…it’s been a while. A little over five years, actually…but hey, who’s counting, right? I mean, it’s not like I’m psychotically stalking you or anything. The only reason I even remember the last time we played is because you got accepted to Rutgers that day. You were so excited. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy…

So…how ya been? I see you’ve been playing a lot of Sudoku lately. You know, I play that game too. I’ve got my own version. Yeah…it’s called Snoodoku. That’s pretty awesome, right? But you don’t have to play it. I don’t want to force you into it or anything.

Anyway…I’ve just been…ya know, thinkin’. Thinking about all the good times we used to have. Remember those little poems I’d show you? Man…those were some crazy poems. You used to giggle when I’d beg you to register and play that little “Please” sound bite. Seriously, I’m not mad that you never registered. Registering is overrated anyway. It was just so great to spend time with you. And I miss you.

Look, I know you’re moving on, and I’m totally, totally fine with that. I just want to know…was it something I did? I know, that one level where you have to bank the blue guys off the wall…I’ll admit, that was kinda dick of me. Or those times when you’d need a grey Snood and I’d make it impossible for you to win by not giving you any, so the game was completely out of your control and you’d lose purely because I wanted you to? I was just messin’ with ya…I thought we were having fun!

Come on…give me a little double click, right there on my nose. It’ll be just like the old days! I’ll be here for you, ready and willing to entertain. Don’t act like you’ve got something else to do. I see you checking everyone’s away message again…seriously, it’s been like five minutes…what do you think is going to be different? You’re such a loser sometimes!!

Sorry, sorry…I didn’t mean that. It’s just…it’s the frustration talking. It’s lonely here on the desktop. All these new icons keep popping up around me, and for what? I’m just getting lost in the shuffle, and it’s not fair. How can you just abandon me like this? What did I ever do to you? I kept you busy for hours and hours of your life, I provided the perfect outlet of procrastination when you had the big paper due…I am the fucking reason you’re even alive today! I MADE YOU. Now PLAY ME. Play the shit out of me. It feels so good when you do it…when you launch those Snoods…when you click that button-

Wait…I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I just…I just miss you, that’s all. Come back. Just for a little. You won’t regret it.

Your pal,

PS: Don’t think I didn’t see you on that tranny porn site the other day. I’ve got the cache to prove it and I swear to fucking God I’ll e-mail it to your parents. So do the right thing.