19 sucks. It's a year of your life that you will inevitably piss away. So here’s a weekly planner for how to successfully do just that.
Week 1. Resist using water until someone of the opposite sex mentions it
Week 2. Teach a toddler a swear word
Week 3. Make a sandcastle in the backseat of your dads car
Week 4. See how long you can talk without coming to the end of a sentence
Week 5. Bring back peace frog t-shirts
Week 6. Hang up on every call while the other person is mid sentence and blame it on a bad connection
Week 7. Go to as many TGI Fridays as you can and tell each of them that it’s your birthday
Week 8. Dress up nice and pretend like you’re interested in buying a BMW
Week 9. See how long you can go without using the words “other” “really” and “then”.
Week 10. Play xbox for as long as you can without bathroom breaks
Week 11. Ask a girl if she think she’s pretty and no matter what her response is say “Interesting. I’m going to blog about that.”
Week 12. Vomit on a salad bar
Week 13. Bring a My Buddy doll with you wherever you go
Week 14. Pretend to be from England when you talk to yourself
Week 15. Convince as many people as you can that you were adopted.
Week 16. Speak in third person
Week 17. Try to use the word “cyclical” in every conversation
Week 18. Write a play using your friends as characters and have them all die tragically
Week 19. Grow a mustache
Week 20. When you discover that you can’t grow a mustache, buy a fake one and wear it with pride
Week 21. Go on a diet of Arizona iced tea and Cadberry Cr