Hey guys, how's it going? No, I can't have any, I have to take a drug test next week for a job. Yeah, I'm sure. Dude, I told you, I can't have any. I can't afford to lose this job. I don't know if a contact high will throw off the test, I'm not a doctor!

What's on TV? America's Funniest Home Videos? Is that Bob Saget? He hasn't been the host in like fifteen years. Oh, it's on ABC Family. Wait, why are you watching ABC Family? Alright, fine, I'll watch. Heh, I guess that's pretty funny. Dude, it's not funny. Why are you still laughing?

Look, I already told you I have a drug test! Alright, I guess I'll have some Fritos. You're still laughing?! It was one shot to the nuts! Here, give me some more of those Fritos. You already ate the whole bag?! What the hell's the matter with you guys?

Ah, shit, there's a fly in the house. I'll get it. Uhh…no, I guess I haven't ever considered the fly's feelings. You know, I'm pretty sure he's not the god to a universe of microorganisms. Whatever, I'll get the flyswatter. Fine, I'll get some more Fritos while I'm up. Are you guys making brownies? Here's the Fritos. And…wham! Got the fly. Here, give me some Fri—what the hell?! You went through that bag too?!

Ooh, brownies are done! Yeah, I'll have some. Although I'm not sure why one of you is suddenly interested in baking. You know, these brownies taste kinda funny—hey, what the fuck! Goddammit, I have a drug test, I told you that three times already! Fuck this, I'm going back to the dorm and getting drunk.