Whew. I almost didn't make it to my computer in time to bring you the flossy gossy!

Why, you ask?

Straight up, I've been out breaking into hot models' LA homes with my main crackbaby, Lindsay Lohan. Yup, Firecrotch marched right into frenemy Lauren Hastings' house and walked out with $10, 000 worth of her clothes. Her best rexie Nicole Richie even got in on the fun – prank calling Lauren (who once dated Richie's ex DJ AM) after the robbery. I guess just playing a Mean Girl wasn't enough for our favorite lipstick lesbo!

[Source/photo: DListed, Egotastic]

Alec Baldwin straightened his own ass out on The View today, telling the world he's REAL sorry that he ruined his career by bitching out his daughter's voicemail. We're still waiting on his apology for naming his daughter something as stupid as IRELAND. Clearly not having brains or decency runs in the family, eh Alec? [Source: IDLYITW]

Booted, off-key Idol Sanjaya's mom was busted in 2005 for growing 310 pot plants with her sketchball of a husband. Now we know why Sanjaya was always rockin' pony-hawks and pseudo-fros – he had a couple of bags of hydro up in his piece. Clearly his mom's herb is good – just look how high always Paula is! [Source/photo: NinjaDude]

This week, People Magazine placed Drew Barrymore of the cover of their annual "Most Beautiful People In The World" issue. They rejected my issue idea – with Drew also on the cover – that I called : "People Who Look Hot From Far Away But Up Close Are Borderline Nasty And Make Shiteous Date Movies With Hugh Grant That No One Saw Because They Were Too Busy Finger Banging Their Dates Too Watch." [Source: WWTDD]

In other news, Britney Spears is all bangin' hot and I could cut tomatoes on her rock hard abs!

Wait, no, she's fugly and reeks of saketinis!

Either way, girl's insane in the membrane and captured it all on video to show her kids when they're thirty and fucked up in therapy because of her shit-tastic mothering skills.

Eh, here's a picture of her nipple for good measure. [Sources/pictures:ToxicMagazine, Egotastic, WWTDD, HollywoodTuna]

Oh, and because I love boobs so much, here's the new pair that Heidi Montag of The Hills/Dating A Douchebag fame bought herself earlier this month. She got a new nose too, but really, who's looking? [Source/photo: DListed]

That's it for this week. Until then, I'm out like Rosie. But before I go, you should really grab my boobs. [Source/photo: TMZ, Celebslam, IDLYITW]


PS – Wasn't Saturday Night Live funny this week? Yeah, I don't know either, I was too busy staring at these…BOOBS. [Source/photo: Egotastic]