We're approaching the midway point of September, which means it's almost time for your first exam. Here are a few tips to help you get ready for the big test. Think of it as your step-by-step guide to success!

1. Get PreparedGo to the store and buy a few energy drinks and a pizza. Studying while hungry and tired won't get you anywhere. Oh, and pick up a six-pack or two, since you're already there. 2. Get OrganizedSpend at least ten minutes arranging all your notes, books, and doodles into nice patterns.3. Get RelaxedYou'll need to relax before you can study effectively. Tell your significant other that you're going to need help releasing some stress, preferably into her mouth. If the bitch refuses or you're single, go rub one off in the bathroom. 4. Get BusyIt's time to start studying. Start skimming through the required reading. Do this for about ten minutes. Any longer, and you won't be absorbing what you read anyways.5. Get DrunkThis step is pretty obvious but I thought I'd mention it for completeness.

Commit this guide to memory, and you're sure to get through all seven years of college without a hitch. Good luck!