And now, and Op/Ed from a disgruntled Care Bear.

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Recently after helping a little girl on the fringes of apathy I got into my cloud car and was beginning my ascent up towards my cloud home world to call it a day. Perhaps its my fault for having leveled off briefly at 7 to 8 feet above ground before beginning my ascent, but what should greet my cloud car head on but the windshield of the mother of that once borderline apathetic little girl in her jacked up gas guzzling over-sized pregnant station wagon of a Ford Excursion. As you can imagine "caring" in the world today isn't exactly a lucrative business, so I hobbled my totaled cloud car off the road knowing full well I have no insurance only to find the woman speeds off leaving me stranded, but not without a perfectly manicured middle finger as a parting gift.

Ah yes I see. Its my fault. Apparently the standard tires and lift on that over-sized poor excuse for the word "utility" were not enough for a woman whose needs encompass the extraordinarily weighty demands of having to drive to and from the grocery store and her daughter to soccer practice. Anything short of having to call in a Fire truck to help load the groceries into the trunk simply won't do. For your information lady that wasn't a speed bump you just ran over that was a Miata! Yeah just wait till your daughter gets a little older and starts using her newfound vigor with her step-father, then we'll see the real definition of "hit and run." Bitch.

I just don't fucking care. I don't. I really don't. You people are frigging hopeless with your apathy. I swear its like if you can't fuck it you try and kill it. And even there you suck at it! To all the gang-banging morons out there I've helped, here's my real advice for ya, take a cue from the Mennonites, you know those funny outfit wearing quilt selling motherfuckers you are always making fun of? Yeah see if they were to kill someone, they'd drive their buggy up to wherever the person is, get out and shoot them. None of this lazy candy-ass drive by shit. Isn't it bad enough you let the gun do half the work for you, now you can't even let your legs do the other half? Pussies.

And what is with all these bad movie remakes you people come out with!? Even your violent tendencies are lame. Assault on Precinct 13? Jesus man I've "shared" stuff outta my ass better then that! I got a movie remake for ya, Care Bears: Attica, that's the one where I share ass-rape all you dumb non-feeling mother-fuckers back to the point where you wish your ass could be as apathetic as your emotions.

I can see the response forming in your dull dim witted little minds already. He lives up in the clouds, he likes rainbows, he made an ass joke, he must be gay. Yeah. I'm gay. I'm gay every night when I go home and deep dick my honey Care Bear four ways from Sunday. And I'm especially gay when I do it to my three Care Bear mistresses, sometimes all at once. Even if I was gay, at least my gay would have been during a time when a straight man could walk down the street and say the word "rainbow" and have someone think he liked a breakfast cereal! At least my gay didn't require the "OK" by the Bravo network before being let on television.

Gay… You shitheads wouldn't know gay if gay's shaft penetrated your ass. And that's sad, because THAT'S gay. I shared my years in 80's television with a bunch of dainty unicorns, smartly colored transforming robots, and a pack of heroic Smurfs and General Issue Soldiers who between both shows were so male dominated that one can name only roughly three females in the entire bunch!!! And you think I'm gay!?

Fine. Fuck it. You can think that. Because I just don't fucking care. From now on I'm Muhammed X-Bear. And the next one of you punk asses to knock my cloud car shit off the road gets the sure fire knowledge that when the revolution comes you shall not be spared, as well as a cap busted in your ass.

Hmm… on second thought you all may have a point there. I do make too many "ass" jokes.