Many sociologists argue that nothing rots a child's brain like television, but I've found virtually all hydrogen peroxide based gasses to be quite effective.
Simon & Garfunkel Make Weekend Plans
SIMON: Yo Art, are you going to Scarborough Fair?
GARFUNKEL: Parsley sage rosemary and thyme.
SIMON: ……What?
My Mom is a dental assistant and I have thirteen cavities. My Dad is a cardiologist and I have a heart murmur. I guess I have a cousin who treats erectile dysfunction.
The World's Greatest Guess Who Player
"Hey, wanna play Guess Who?"
"Double or nothing?"
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to move out of Elephantopolis.
Popular Yo Momma Jokes in Strict Muslim Countries:
- Yo momma so fat, she points at Mecca no matter which direction she facin'.
- Yo Momma so stupid, she just bought a summer home in Palestine.
- I imagine that under her niqab and burqa yo momma is so ugly. Thankfully our strict religious values prevent us from ever knowing for sure.
Seeing Eye Dog describing Viral Internet Videos to Blind Owner

"All right, it's this fat kid, and he's on a log. Oh! Now he's in the water. Pretty pissed about it, too. Roof!"

"Some guy lip-syncing a song or something. I never really heard of it before. It's kinda funny, I can't really explain it. Rrruff. Woof. Ruff."

"Some kid just fell off the roof! Roof!"

Nothing Stops Superman
LOIS: So super-strength, flying, X-ray vision, heightened senses, great speed- you can do pretty much anything.
SUPERMAN: Yeah. Anything- it's great.
LOIS: Can you communicate with animals?
SUPERMAN: No- but if they don't do what I want, tearing their legs off is pretty easy.
"Today we mourn the death of Tom Reeves, co-founder of NAMBLA. As we look back on his legacy, I think we can all agree – he was truly a man among boys."

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