CollegeHumor: Jesus Articles http://www.collegehumor.com/tag/jesus Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /article/6858039 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6858039/police-reports-from-christmas-stories Police Reports from Christmas Stories Wed, 19 Dec 2012 16:58:55 -0500
Police Reports from Christmas Stories - Image 6


Police Reports from Christmas Stories - Image 6...]]> /article/6857517 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6857517/5-holiday-classics-for-modern-times 5 Holiday Classics for Modern Times Mon, 17 Dec 2012 14:11:15 -0500
5 Holiday Classics for Modern Times - Image 1

Annabelle looked at the smiling red-suited man currently stuffing the stockings placed around the old mantle. "S-S-Santa?" she whispered in shock. The man turned and winked at Annabelle from her hiding place near the staircase. He gave a jolly smile as wide as his belly and beckoned her closer. The young girl approached, her eyes a-twinkle in wonder.

"Santa, you're real! You're really real!" The man gave her a big, warm hug.

"I am real as long as there is love in the world," said the bearded Kringle kindly. He pulled a large sack filled to the brim with gifts and knelt down to little Annabelle. "And what is your Christmas wish, Annabelle?" he asked.

"Santa, could you please bring my mommy back to life?" the girl asked, her heart pumping with hope. Santa smiled, hugged her again, and reached deep into his sack, from which he removed a brand new purple Furby with over twenty unique phrases. "Those are almost impossible to get," said Santa before departing up the chimney.

Annabelle looked down at the Furby. She supposed this was just as good. "Doo-Moh" said Furby.


...]]> /article/6856422 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6856422/the-three-wise-men-have-an-argument The Three Wise Men Have an Argument Wed, 12 Dec 2012 17:08:31 -0500
The Three Wise Men Have an Argument - Image 1


Melchior: This is exciting, huh? The birth of the Lord God incarnate?


Balthasar: Yup.


...]]> /article/6749395 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6749395/biblical-origins-of-modern-easter-traditions Biblical Origins of Modern Easter Traditions Mon, 02 Apr 2012 15:46:13 -0400

Biblical Origins of Modern Easter Traditions - Image 7

Biblical Origins of Modern Easter Traditions - Image 7...]]> /article/6324298 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6324298/jesus-awkward-homecoming Jesus' Awkward Homecoming Wed, 27 Oct 2010 16:22:13 -0400 God: Hey kiddo! Welcome back up!

Jesus: …

God: Man, you look great! Long time no see. You want some ice cream? I’ll get us some ice cream.

Jesus: So…crucifixion, huh?

God: Oh…what? Oh man! That’s, uh, terrible! I had no idea. Wow, that sucks!

Jesus: I think you had some idea…

God: Well, I uh-

Jesus: You know, being God and all. Omniscient. Lord of all creation. Feel like you may have heard.

God: Well, maybe a vague inkling, I suppose-

Jesus: It was kind of like a big deal. They made a book about it. The Book. 

God: Yeah?
...]]> /article/6108374 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6108374/the-new-testament The New Testament Sat, 29 May 2010 22:44:59 -0400

God: Hey Jews.

Jews: Hey.

God: So listen, guys, I'm thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.

Jews: What?
...]]> /article/6011890 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6011890/the-adventures-of-god The Adventures of God Thu, 01 Apr 2010 17:51:31 -0400 I

God: Noah, all the people of earth are sinners. You alone are righteous.

Noah: Thanks God. Long time fan, first time prophet.

God: So, I have decided to smite the entire world with a flood.

(pause)

Noah: Couldn’t you just teach man goodness?

God: No. I’m thinking “flood.”

Noah: So you’d rather just kill every-

God: What part of “flood” do you not understand?

 

II

God: Moses…I have seen the plight of the Jews in Egypt.

Moses: Wow. Only after, uh, 400 years there, right?

God: Yes.

Moses: Awesome.

God: I will take you out of Egypt after ten terrible, terrible plagues.

Moses: …ten?

God: Is there a problem?

Moses: It’s just…ten is a lot. For, you know, God. Couldn’t you get this done in like, two plagues max?

God: No. For you see, Moses, I will harden Pharaoh’s heart against me.

Moses: So…you are going to stop him from letting us free from slavery.

God: Yes.

Moses: So you can bring more terrible, terrible plagues upon the people.

God: Yes.
...]]> /article/5890838 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5890838/stranger-danger Stranger Danger? Sun, 24 Jan 2010 19:58:35 -0500

After carefully taking the time to answer the Stranger Danger Qu...]]> /article/5279200 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5279200/the-first-evangelist The First Evangelist Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:17:54 -0400
Gog:  Good morning, Flock!  Have you heard the good news?


Flock:  What good news?


Gog:  About how we all came into existence.


Flock:  What do you mean?  I thought we all fell out of our mothers' crotch flaps.
...]]> /article/3974514 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3974514/happy-easter Happy Easter! Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:08:53 -0400


/article/3875278 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3875278/the-second-coming-of-christ The Second Coming of Christ Fri, 30 Jan 2009 05:49:16 -0500 Jesus: Boy, it feels good to be back after all these years! I didn't think Dad would ever let me return after what happened last time, but hey, at least I can learn from my mistakes. Time to start spreading the good news! Excuse me, sir.

Businessman: Huh? Oh, hey, listen, I'm sorry, but I don't have any change on me.

Jesus: What? No, that's not it. I'm here to-
...]]> /article/3337994 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3337994/the-family-business The Family Business Fri, 28 Mar 2008 12:57:09 -0400

Art by Intern Paul
]]> /article/3323012 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3323012/jesus-gets-arrested Jesus Gets Arrested Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:28:07 -0400

]]> /article/3028142 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3028142/jesus-lazy-sunday Jesus: Lazy Sunday Tue, 30 Oct 2007 14:14:42 -0400
Jesus: Hey Dad. Can we talk?

God: Yeah, what's up kid?

Jesus: So I was talking to some of my buddies a couple days ago and I told them that you were my dad and they all laughed at me. I was wondering if there was something you could do.
...]]> /article/2941100 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2941100/jesus-joint-custody Jesus: Joint Custody Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:58:26 -0400


knocks



Mary: Someone's at the door

Joseph: Don't worry babe, I got it.
...]]> /article/2053016 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2053016/christs-sake Christ's Sake Wed, 01 Aug 2007 16:35:05 -0400

Very special thanks to this guy for his sweet artistic skills.

]]> /article/849201 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/849201/i-am-so-bored I. Am. So. Bored. Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:58:35 -0400 Man, I'm bored as hell. Like, I was looking forward to yesterday for so long and I'm pumped for tomorrow, but dude, today is B.O.R.I.N.G. I guess it sounds weird to say I was looking forward to getting betrayed by my best friend, viciously beaten, nailed to a cross, stabbed in the ribs and dying, but I did it out of love. Plus, I get to come back to tomorrow and really, really shake things up.
...]]>