CollegeHumor: Lists

25 Things You Hate Yourself for Saying

Mon, 21 May 2012 00:43:08 -0400

I believe it was Sigmund Freud who once said, “Sometimes horrific things just fall out of your mouth before you can muster up the strength to stop them. That’s just the worst, man, for real.”

...

The Worst Triquel Movies of All Time

Fri, 18 May 2012 12:29:50 -0400

20 Phrases You Hear During Graduation, and What They Really Mean

Thu, 17 May 2012 16:32:38 -0400

Simply roll your cursor over the pictures to see what people are really saying…

10 Things You Never Have to Deal with Again After College

Mon, 14 May 2012 18:06:29 -0400

Unless you become a teacher, your final final exam will be the last time you ever see a Blue Book. It’s not just that you will never again be asked to sit and prove your knowledge on a specific subject matter by scrawling bullsh*t your professor doesn’t actually want to read, but you cannot even find these blue books outside of school without ordering them from the manufacturer. So, if these books were going to be part of your hipster plan for post-grad-contemplative-note-taking-in-Starbucks, just stick with Moleskins. If you’re a normal person, rejoice! Your fate will no longer be tied to those haphazardly stapled pages of doom. It will be tied to important stuff, like how much your boss likes you.

...

Mitt Romney's Hilarious Prank Ideas

Mon, 14 May 2012 13:03:10 -0400

Last week, the Washington Post reported that as a senior at Cranbrook School, Mitt Romney cornered a student widely assumed to be gay, and forcibly cut his unconventional bleached-blond hair, while a posse of other students held him down. Romney denies any memory of the incident, but admits that he participated in many pranks back in the day, and still likes to joke around on the campaign trail.

...

The Worst Jobs in the World

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:42:00 -0400

We asked, you voted. Here are the 25 worst jobs.

25. Gas Station Attendant

Average Salary: $15k-$24k
If getting belittled by drunk high school students/robbed is your thing, you’ll love being a gas station attendant, which provides all the fun of a retail job with the added perks of free lukewarm, day-old hot dogs whenever you want, plus the bonuses paid to you in however many M&Ms you can stuff into your pockets.
...

Eight Inefficient Cheat Sheet Techniques

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 19:43:08 -0400

...

Weed Strains Named After People You've Smoked With

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 06:59:06 -0400

...

Things to Do to Kill Time While Getting Stood Up

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 11:54:18 -0400

1. Have your roommate, aka your best bestie ever!, curl your hair. That’ll be a cute surprise that he’s sure to totally notice and compliment, which will make up for not hearing from him.

2. Look at every picture he is tagged in on Facebook. Again.

3. When you see something his mom wrote on his wall, be sure to not accidentally click “like” instead “read more.” Because that would be creepy.

4. Go through your iTunes and make a playlist of all the songs that deal intimately with your relationship. Listen on repeat.

5. Okay, by this point, kind of a lot of time has passed. Go ahead and text him something cute but not pushy. And feel free to start drinking beer. I mean, just one won’t hurt.

6. Also, text a few of your friends just to be sure your phone isn’t messed up. Which is totally possible!.. When they reply and he still hasn’t, drink another beer.

7. Read all previous texts you’ve ever received from him (thank you, iPhone!). While drinking another beer.

8. Avoid eye contact with your stupid roommate at all costs. THAT JUDGMENTAL BITCH DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR LOVE. I mean, your hair is already flat and it’s only been like, what, a little over 3 hours since she curled it for you. Thanks for nothing, jerk.

9. Think back to the time that your fella did this very same thing on Valentine’s Day… and hey, at least it’s not that bad! Yeah, drink another beer. Or two.

10. Start watching episodes of Gilmore Girls, season three. See how long you can go without crying. It’s like a fun game! RORY + JESS 4EVA.

11. Think about how your three month-iversary is coming up and how definitely nothing bad will happen that night…

12. Instagram drunken, obscure pictures of your tear stained make up. Or your dog. Maybe just your dog. Everybody loves it when you post pictures of your dog.

13. Decide at 2:00am to finally go to sleep… After sending him a text of just a frowny face emoticon.

14. When you can’t fall asleep, try vague-booking a youtube video of whichever Britney Spears song most applies to you. I suggest “Drive Me Crazy (The Stop Remix)”

15.Forget about feeling frustrating and hurt and instead feel dumb for overreacting when he FINALLY texts you after 3am saying he “accidentally fell asleep.”

16. Don’t text him back until you wake up later that morning.

17.Delete that Britney Spears vid from your timeline.
...

The Ten Internet Plagues

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 23:42:32 -0400

...

25 Things You Say During Sex, And What You Really Mean

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 19:49:30 -0400

Roll your cursor over the text to see what it really means…

10 Things You Were Going to Do This Winter, But Probably Didn't

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 23:44:45 -0400

What you said in December: It’s not that cold out right now and this windbreaker over my fleece is doing the trick for now. Sure it looks idiotic and doesn’t match anything I wear, but I read on this fashion blog written by a 13 year-old that not matching is the new matching. I didn’t believe it at first, but she’s got like 300 followers, so she must know what’s up.

What you said in February: OK, there were a couple days where it was actually freezing out, but that’s what the turtleneck, doubled NorthFace fleeces, and thick plastic raincoat are for, right?

What you’re saying now: Good thing I didn’t waste my money on a fancy coat. I would have only worn it like sixty times. Now I have that money to spend on useful things. Who wants to go drink on a porch? I’m buying.

...

12 Different Types of Hangovers

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 19:59:26 -0400

Cause: Wanting to eat enough to feed a family of four for under five dollars.

Symptoms: Vomiting, diarrhea, entertaining the thought of doing one of those juice cleanses.

Cures: Water, exercise, not eating again until lunch the next day.

...

10 Reasons You're Not Having the Spring Break Hollywood Said You Should

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 02:37:16 -0400

It’s barely March and you’ve already managed to spend all the holiday money you received this year. Unfortunately, the 20 dollar check your grandparents sent you on Valentine’s Day just isn’t going as far as it used to, and you actually just considered adding a zero to the end of it to pad your pocket a bit more. You also don’t get how checks work, do you? Or money for that matter since you have absolutely none in your bank account. Of course, you could get a part-time job while going to school to pay for an actual spring break trip, but you probably wouldn’t even be able to get time off from work to actually go on the trip.

...

Eight Types of Laughter

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 10:40:43 -0500

Click the orange play button under each title to hear the laugh.

...

Best Best Picture

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:14:11 -0500

We asked and you voted. Here are the top 25 Best Pictures of all time…

25) Lawrence of Arabia — 1962

A 216 minute-long movie about a British guy in an embattled foreign country that DIDN’T make everyone fall asleep deserved nothing less than every Oscar, but 7 of ‘em will do.

...

9 Movie Reasons Why You're Bleeding Right Now

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 01:10:28 -0500

12 Next

The 25 Best Sitcom Couples

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:29:31 -0500

We asked and you voted. Here are the top 25 sitcom couples of all time…

25.  Doug Funnie and Patty Mayonaise – “Doug”

Doug and Patty’s love clearly doesn’t extend towards their future children, who, one way or the other, are screwed in the last-name department.

...

10 Roommate Red Flags

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:37:04 -0500

Now, clearly we could let you know that Dancing with the Stars, Sex and the City, and the entire Lifetime network would make this list, but those are deal breakers. If you find yourself in that situation, run as fast as you can in the other direction. As far those that we’ve included on this list are concerned, these are what we call the “Gateway Shows” to hours upon hours of mindless, miserable shows that will leave any true man scratching his head or wanting to beat himself over the top of said head….

...