Illustrated by Ross Nover

My dad wants me to join the army/sherrif's department but I want to finish college and get my law degree. Any thoughts? Also, y'all are awesome. – Robin

It's pretty normal to have some disconnect between what your parents want for your future and your own ambitions. For example, I wanted to be a Disney channel star but my parents wanted me to be "college educated" and "not likely to drive a Porsche through a stranger's living room while on a coke binge." Your dad has spent eighteen years making the major decisions for your life, so it's probably a little scary to give up control to a complete life-running rookie. But ultimately, it is your life. So if what you really want is to be a lawyer, do it. Work your ass off and openly weep during the LSATs and buy power suits. Also, leave me your number because I'm going to need a good lawyer if the Disney thing ever pans out.

...]]> /video/6757738 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6757738/how-to-remember-the-name-of-someone-you-just-met Thu, 19 Apr 2012 11:33:14 -0400 /article/6115340 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6115340/what-if-your-brain-was-run-like-an-apartment-building Thu, 03 Jun 2010 07:19:00 -0400

Owen's Memory- 739^th Floor. Apartment 739-C

Landlord knocks on door.

Landlord: Calculus! Calculus, I know you're in there.

Calculus: Go away! Leave me alone.

Landlord: Calculus, listen to me. You've been evicted. You haven't paid your rent in years.

Calculus: How am I supposed to afford rent? They outsourced my job to a damn calculator.

Landlord: Sorry, buddy, but memory space is at a premium here. And you've been sitting there doing nothing for ages. You gotta go.

Calculus: I'm a veteran, damn it! I saved all your asses during the Great High School Finals of '04. You can't throw me out!

Landlord: Look, we've already got someone to fill your spot.

Lyrics to Every Weird Al Song Ever: Hi.

Calculus: That sounds like… you're replacing me with the lyrics to "Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch"?

Landlord: Sorry, man.

Calculus: So. That's how this is going to go down.

Sound of a gun being cocked.

Landlord: Oh jeez… Calculus, come on, man. Don't do anything you'll regret.

Calculus: I regret everything.

Lyrics to Every Weird Al Song Ever: Is this a bad time? Because I can-

A gunshot sounds from behind the door. Then a thump. Then silence.

Landlord: …

Lyrics to Every Weird Al Song Ever: …

Landlord: So… where did you live before this?

Lyrics to Every Weird Al Song Ever: Oh, I had a few albums, then after that I was cast into the boundless nether-void where all truly useless knowledge is left to drift, best forgotten, sealed away until the death of eternity. Then I was on Wikipedia.

...]]> /link/5964846 http://www.fupa.com/play/BoardGame-free-games/mario-bros-memory-game.html Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:43:38 -0500 /video/3342976 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/3342976/5-year-old-simon-prodigy Mon, 31 Mar 2008 12:27:07 -0400