If at first you don't succeed, just give up and go home.
Q: What's behind door number 1? A: A concussion.
The side of the road is where he belongs.
That trick is called the coma.
Only the strongest nipples survive.
You have to pay a price to be an American Idol.
Hold the romance.
Hey, at least he got a D for effort.
Sure, mascots boost team spirit and excite children and whatnot, but is there anything satisfying than watching giant plush creature absolutely wipe out? Here they are for your pleasure: 12 GIFs of fu …
A clean, recently windexed getaway.
She deserves a pat on the back.
Hey, the guy's got some ball.
Crosswalks, bro. Learn 'em.
Man, we told you not to piss off that leprechaun.
Who uses a vibrator at 6:12 PM?
I'd rather walk through fire.
You learn the best by doing.
Don't worry dad, she'll get her revenge by becoming a stripper when she's older.
Don't worry, only everyone you know saw this on television. No biggie.
Context be damned.
Sometimes the truth hurts. And disfigures.
Your keys are guaranteed to come out brighter than ever.
That's what you get for being old, you old man!