And the answers could all B

I keep on hoping that I can fill in

Every circle that I C

But my teachers have all taught me

That there's A most correct response

But there are three or four of these to pick

And I can only answer once.

I think that A looks the most correct

But I'd better read the rest

Because everybody always knows

It's never the first answer on the test.

Walk up to the door,

smile at a girl.

Tonight ends with a whore

but not if I hurl.

Five bucks to get in

if you're not a hot babe.

This extortion's a sin,

but I lay down an Abe.

The dude takes the rent.

This fee makes me sick,

but it's money well...]]> /article/3795421 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3795421/twas-the-last-night-of-finals Tue, 09 Dec 2008 10:02:43 -0500

Twas the last night of finals

And all across campus

The students weren't studying

They were drunk off their asses

The books strewn

All over the floor

While backpacks were packed

With the Preferred Liqueur

The Frat boys were nestled

All snug in their houses

While they had visions of

What was under those girls' blouses

And I and my wallet

Were at the local bar

Where I had just laid into

My first drink so far

When out in the street

There arose such a clatter

I sprang from my stool

To see what was the matter

Away to the window

I flew like a flash

Knocked over some drink

And it made quite the splash

When what to my wandering

Eye should appear

But a Stumbling Santa

Holding a beer

As he leaned over the curb

To let himself be sick

I knew who he was

It was my friend Nick

More awkward than a puppy

He stumbled down the street

Screaming and yelling

At all he would meet

"YOUR HOT

WILL YOU SLEEP WITH ME?

HOLY SHIT

I'VE REALLY GOT TO PEE"

As dry heaves that before

The vomit fly

Nick let loose

All over some guy

And then in just a

Minute or more

I heard him pounding

At the bar door

As I stepped back from the Window

And turned around

In through the door

Nick fell to the Ground

He was covered snow

From head to toe

While his speech was slurred

And really rather slow

A ripped Santa Suit

Was all that he wore

He smelled like dead cow

And the bathroom on our floor

He spoke not a word

But went straight to the John

On his way out he hit on a girl

But failed as Don Juan

Then groping wildly

For his cell

He drunk-dialed his mother

Who was drunk as well

He stumbled to the door

Where the bouncer he eyed

He leaned against the glass

And promptly fell outside

But I heard him exclaim

Ere he wandered off alone

"HAPPY FINALS TO ALL
...]]> /article/3776507 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3776507/the-night-before-thanksgiving Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:27:16 -0500 'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, when all through the town,

Every creature was stirring their mixed drinks around;

The Natties were poured into solos with care,

In hopes that old drinking buddies soon would be there;


The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While Mommy and Daddy got ripped outta their heads;
...]]> /article/3771668 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3771668/an-office-ditty Thu, 20 Nov 2008 08:46:48 -0500 Every invoice needs a name

Every contract needs endorsements

Yet every one of these looks the same

They are merely office documents

If you have a copy of a document the office needs

Better make it two, it's corporate policy anyway

And be careful not to bite the hand that feeds

Or you may find that it hard for you to stay

A paper due

5 pages long

"How Democracy Was Born"

Mind is blank

An empty space

Devoid of inspiration

Eyelids heavy

Pillow soft

I lack all motivation

Oh pills of orange

In the bottom drawer
/article/3566459 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3566459/a-party-soliloquy Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:59:24 -0400

Noble guests, students ye,

patrons of universities,

I pray you cease your revelry

and hear my party soliloquy.

Here I sit, cup in hand

betwixt two dudes

who cannot stan...]]> /article/3524778 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3524778/the-rack-not-taken Wed, 06 Aug 2008 16:03:53 -0400 4 cups diverged on a slippery table

And sorry we couldn't connect them thrice

But we 2 players, strong and able

Lived up to our collective label

For racking at 6 has been our vice


Then took my partner, ball in palm

And heaving plastic in the air

Amidst the blaring rap, a calm
...]]> /article/1178491 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1178491/a-poem-for-shel Wed, 20 Jun 2007 16:47:33 -0400

...]]> /article/1175556 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1175556/college-tour-in-the-world-of-dr-seuss Tue, 19 Jun 2007 15:13:00 -0400 ...]]> /article/981712 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/981712/haikus-for-hitler Sat, 28 Apr 2007 18:59:15 -0400 April 30th is the anniversary of Hitler's death. In remembrance of this day, CH asked a few celebrities to write poems…



A rabbit sunrise.

I once was in a movie.

Hitler wasn’t nice.

- Billy Baldwin



So like who’s Hitler?

Why am I in this office?

...]]> /article/925128 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/925128/horton-hears-a-death-star Wed, 18 Apr 2007 21:33:18 -0400

Horton the elephant laughed and he played
By his jungle-side pool, one pleasant May day,

When all of a sudden, he heard a faint ZUP
...]]> /article/887940 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/887940/sections-of-well-known-poems-with-the-word-poop-inserted-randomly Wed, 11 Apr 2007 20:47:14 -0400 The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the poop.





Romeo and Juliet
...]]>