Speaker John Boehner wasn't going down without the last word. "I'm afraid we've got more Covenant on the way," buzzed the Cortana AI. The Master Chief was already on it, jumping into the swarm of Brutes with his rifle blazing white-hot. An Elite made the charge toward Boehner, but the Ohio public servant's impressive torso – sculpted on the Moeller High Football Field – deflected every attack before unleashing an assault of his own with the Springfield Rifle it was his God-given right to carry.

...]]> /article/6846085 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6846085/twitters-insane-imaginary-version-of-the-defeated-romney-camp Fri, 09 Nov 2012 15:23:57 -0500

Mitt Romney's concession speech was an eloquent example of a defeated politician holding their head up high. But it only drove America's funniest Twitter users to imagine more and more bizarre goings-on behind closed doors:

Silent tears drip all the way...]]> /article/6845571 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6845571/todays-10-most-depressed-conservative-celeb-tweets Wed, 07 Nov 2012 11:29:03 -0500

In case you don't follow every conservative semi-famous person on Twitter like we do (for the entertainment value!), here's their most depressed reactions to the GOP holding onto the House of Representatives and not much else:

...]]> /article/6845347 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6845347/20-people-mitt-romney-probably-doesnt-want-voting-for-him Tue, 06 Nov 2012 14:29:02 -0500

Both candidates are scrambling for votes today and the election's close to statistically tied. But Mitt Romney would still probably give up the support of these twenty Twitter users, even if it meant losing twenty Ohio votes:

Just Voted… Mitt Rimney i g...]]> /article/6828879 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6828879/7-political-sex-moves Wed, 26 Sep 2012 15:46:46 -0400

...]]> /article/6825732 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6825732/mitt-romney-breaks-down-america Tue, 18 Sep 2012 14:10:14 -0400 Last night a video from a private fundraiser was leaked where Mitt Romney claimed 47% of Americans are Obama voters who are dependent upon government, pay no income tax, and believe they are entitled to health care, food, and housing. Here's a breakdown of the other 53% of American voters, according to Romney.

...]]> /embed/6819811 http://www.collegehumor.com/embed/6819811/obama-chair-responds-to-clint-eastwoods-speech-at-rnc Mon, 03 Sep 2012 00:13:56 -0400 /embed/6818873 http://www.collegehumor.com/embed/6818873/the-worst-jokes-of-day-3-of-the-republican-national-convention Thu, 30 Aug 2012 13:03:38 -0400 /embed/6818501 http://www.collegehumor.com/embed/6818501/republican-national-convention-2012-was-it-oversexed Wed, 29 Aug 2012 16:26:33 -0400 /embed/6818447 http://www.collegehumor.com/embed/6818447/drag-queen-a-capella-group-supports-todd-aikin Wed, 29 Aug 2012 13:57:43 -0400 /article/6817641 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6817641/republican-national-convention-snow-day Mon, 27 Aug 2012 21:02:54 -0400

]]> /picture/6814931 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6814931/todd-akin-legitimate-rape-kit Tue, 21 Aug 2012 14:33:29 -0400 /embed/6814853 http://www.collegehumor.com/embed/6814853/legitimate-rape-song Tue, 21 Aug 2012 12:50:35 -0400 /picture/6783505 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6783505/the-rnc-isnt-sure-what-latinos-look-like Thu, 14 Jun 2012 17:04:20 -0400 /picture/6772613 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6772613/the-perfect-response-to-north-carolina Mon, 21 May 2012 11:16:58 -0400 /embed/6751976 http://www.collegehumor.com/embed/6751976/the-gop-candidates-play-monopoly Mon, 09 Apr 2012 12:27:59 -0400 /video/6741117 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6741117/roc-a-fella-republican-corrects-jay-z-misquote Wed, 14 Mar 2012 11:31:42 -0400 /embed/6719719 http://www.collegehumor.com/embed/6719719/liberal-democrats-for-santorum Mon, 05 Mar 2012 17:43:52 -0500 /article/6704469 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6704469/sitcom-character-or-republican-presidential-candidate Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:16:18 -0500

It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples

Ron Swanson

A mere forty years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented i...]]> /picture/6710078 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6710078/gops-all-male-birth-control-panel Thu, 16 Feb 2012 17:35:42 -0500