CollegeHumor: Speeches

Coach's Inspirational Speech

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:22:17 -0500

Coach: What are we about to do those Riverside Fools!?

Team: Destroy them!

Coach: And how we gonna do it!?

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Mitt Romney's Concession Speech

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 11:55:51 -0500

Four more tears! For more tears!

A Football Halftime Pep Talk Given By Someone Who Knows Nothing About Football

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 18:43:23 -0400

Knows nothing or is an absolute genius? The first one, obviously.

Jerry Sandusky's Halftime Pep Talk to Himself

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 11:02:09 -0400

Former Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky's trial for child sex abuse will hear its closing arguments today. Early this morning, we found this note crumpled up in the men's bathroom at the courthouse:

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Andy Samberg Speaks to, Makes Out with Harvard Students

Thu, 24 May 2012 15:31:38 -0400

The highest honor Harvard University can bestow.

The Gentlemen's Rant - Graduation

Wed, 23 May 2012 14:30:54 -0400

Now throw off your cap and hope you're not balding.

Eugene Mirman Commencement Speech

Mon, 21 May 2012 12:10:29 -0400

Sometimes you need to laugh to keep from hearing the person next to you cry.

Rick Perry Bad Lip Reading

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 16:56:18 -0400

He could've avoided all of this if he'd just grown a big mustache.

The Most Inspirational Speech Ever Spoken

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:40:59 -0400

"Four score and seven guttural noises ago..."

How to be a Male Porn Star

Wed, 20 Jul 2011 16:56:13 -0400

Some practical, real-world advice from the star of "Space Nuts"

The Worst of E3

Fri, 17 Jun 2011 16:55:06 -0400

Videogame technology gets better and better every year. Videogames do not.

Obama Bombs at Stand-Up

Thu, 21 May 2009 16:50:38 -0400

To be fair, he shouldn't have led off with new material.

Phillip Ellis, CEO, Gets Roasted at his Retirement Party

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 16:54:17 -0400

John Stalking, Accounting: I met Phillip 35 years ago when he was just starting the company and I was a junior intern. Back then, Phil had two hobbies: Women, and whaling. Which makes sense, when you look at his wife. (Crowd erupts in laughter) Honestly, if blubber was money this retirement would have happened the day after Phil got drunk enough to marry that she-walrus. (John makes walrus noises. The crowd is cracking up. Somebody throws John a mackerel, which he catches it in his mouth. Crowd is just going nuts at this point) In all honesty Phil, I love you man, and I'm sad you're leaving. Here's to you, Phil! (John hugs Phil, crowd applauds. Phil's wife politely smiles and claps.)
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