1. Willy Wonka is a cannibalistic murderer.

Granted: Wonka is a total creep, if not a psychopath. But some on the internet think that in the world of Wonka's chocolate factory, a secret candy recipe + shockingly easy child injury and possible death (i.e. the Augustus Gloop-sucking tube) = kid-candy. Wouldn't that make it taste a bit funky? Thick? Stringy? Regardless, the argument loses some credibility around the point this FanTheories Wiki editor says he's "not trying to be racist here [about Oompa Loompas], but cannibalism in Africa isn't the rarest of things." Sounds to me like he's just using his pure, bigoted imagination.

...]]> /article/6867630 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6867630/star-wars-original-trilogy-deleted-scenes-that-explain-a-lot Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:37:36 -0500

Darth Vader: I have terrible news, Master.
/article/6868958 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6868958/the-next-20-star-wars-spin-offs Thu, 07 Feb 2013 00:23:16 -0500 Disney and Lucasfilm announced plans to release a series of Star Wars Spin-Offs, including a 'Young Han Solo' movie, a story about Boba Fett, and a possible Yoda-centric film. But where does the Star Wars franchise turn after that? Here's a list of the The Next 20 Star Wars Spin-Offs:

...]]> /article/6854920 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6854920/down-with-references Fri, 07 Dec 2012 16:10:14 -0500

Here's the problem, fellow humans: There is TOO MUCH INFORMATION in the world, and it makes it impossible to know what anyone is really talking about.

/article/6853223 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6853223/reply-all Mon, 03 Dec 2012 15:38:16 -0500 Once a week, resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will have a glass of whiskey and then answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you've got on your mind. There will be GIFS.

I'm spending holidays at my bf's parents' house again and they do x-mas way more than my family does. How do I cope with all their merriment? – CM

DRINK. THE. KOOLAID. When you're on your boo's home turf, you've got to play by his family's rules. Bring a holiday sweater, get familiar with the Jackson 5 Christmas album, and politely smile as his drunk grandma places a ratty Santa hat on your head. His family's level of merriment may not be what you're used to, but it's better to play along then be the dickhead who sits pouting in the car at the Christmas tree lot because it's too cold outside. And honestly, letting yourself get swept up in the excitement of a holiday is pretty fun. You may have a festive nutjob waiting deep inside you yet.

...]]> /article/6843689 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6843689/10-reasons-star-wars-movies-are-already-disney-movies Thu, 01 Nov 2012 12:23:57 -0400 Sorry nerds, but that Star Wars thing you love and hate more than anything is already just like all the Disney movies. Here's proof:

1. They all have sequels/prequels no one wanted

...]]> /article/6788004 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6788004/tenure-review-for-fictional-teachers Mon, 25 Jun 2012 18:22:24 -0400

...]]> /article/6756311 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6756311/six-other-appearances-from-the-tupac-hologram Mon, 16 Apr 2012 18:03:00 -0400 This past weekend, Tupac stole the show at Coachella when he was resurrected in the form of a hologram on stage with Snoop and Dre. After the performance, instead of disappearing for another 15 years, Tupac started showing up in even more unexpected places.

...]]> /article/6710547 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6710547/smarm-wars-3d Fri, 17 Feb 2012 12:31:29 -0500

]]> /article/6697271 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6697271/what-part-of-ultimate-power-in-the-universe-was-unclear Sun, 22 Jan 2012 15:48:57 -0500 INTERIOR: DEATH STAR — CONFERENCE ROOM.

MOTTI: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the un...]]> /article/6457509 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6457509/star-wars-psas Sat, 19 Mar 2011 13:21:18 -0400

...]]> /article/6393445 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6393445/why-darth-vader-really-killed-obi-wan Wed, 19 Jan 2011 17:37:15 -0500

 

]]> /article/6366818 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6366818/facebook-gives-away-6-famous-spoilers Tue, 14 Dec 2010 17:29:38 -0500

...]]> /article/6182078 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6182078/thats-no-moon-its-a-pr-failure Fri, 18 Jun 2010 11:54:13 -0400 INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON — COCKPIT.

A distant star can be distinguished as a small moon or planet.


LUKE: Look at him. He's headed for that small moon.


HAN: I think I can get him before he gets there…he's almost in range.
...]]> /article/6106432 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6106432/bro-hall-of-fame Fri, 28 May 2010 12:54:16 -0400

Broseidon, King of the brocean, father to Brometheus, and all-around total bro, may technically be fictional due to his legend being written by the ultimate Greek author, Bromer. He serves as the main bro-tagonist in the epic Brodyssy, going up against the party-fouling Brodysseus, a fine bro in his own right. Known for sinking cups and sinking ships, Broseidon is the original Greek Bro.

...]]> /article/6088832 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6088832/interview Tue, 18 May 2010 17:21:58 -0400

 

]]> /article/6019880 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6019880/tatooine-flyers Mon, 05 Apr 2010 21:01:14 -0400

...]]> /article/5912257 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5912257/obi-wan-reunites-with-his-old-master Sat, 30 Jan 2010 20:13:04 -0500 (Obi-Wan Kenobi dies at the hands of Darth Vader. He becomes one with the Force and enters the Spirit Realm.)

Obi-Wan: Well, that was less thanÂ...]]> /article/5865164 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5865164/the-empire-wants-you Fri, 08 Jan 2010 02:23:54 -0500

...]]> /article/5817356 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5817356/storm-trooper-visits-a-therapist Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:34:27 -0500 Storm Trooper: …and then it happened! Just like that!

Therapist: Very interesting. Tell me, how does all of this make you feel?


...]]>