5. Skittles

Show me a man who claims to never have fantasized about diving into a Scrooge McDuck pool full of Skittles, and I'll show you a dirty rotten liar. Skittles are known not only as delicious hard-shelled fruit candy, but also as the one product on earth whose grape flavor is inexplicably not gross and horrifying. A triumph.

Kit Kat

4. Kit Kat

I'd like to preface this demonstration of my undying love for Kit Kat and Kit Kat related products with one small caveat: that thing people tell you to do where you bite off either end and can use it as a straw? That doesn't work. It never works, and leaves you with a gross, wet, melting wafer stick where your Kit Kat used to be. Now that's out of the way, Kit Kats are awesome, and if you absolutely must dirty your mind withe the impulse to get creative with every single candy bar you eat, how about dipping it in Nutella or something? That's probably great.


3. Snickers

Originally called a "Marathon," and presumably changed due to the irony of being named after something you'd be incapable of doing having eaten a Marathon bar, the Snickers doesn't concern itself with fanfare or gimmick. Chocolate, caramel, nougat, peanuts. This perfect union doesn't arrive in flashy packaging or off the back of a full-scale social media campaign, it is simply presented as-is. Yes, you'll fall in love, but on Snickers' terms.


2. Twix

Twixes reward you not just with a structurally pleasing caramel/cookie combo, but with that bite and that noise that makes you feel like you're really WORKING for it. In my research for this piece, I was surprised to discover that Twix seems to be the candy bar most people differ on when it comes to eating strategies. Some like to bite all the caramel off the top first, then eat the cookie part after, others like to eat the whole thing with proper bites like a goddamn normal human being. Make a game of it and ask your friends, but only if you're OK with not making any more.


1. Reeses

There never has been a more beautiful or logical marriage than that between the flavors chocolate and peanut butter, and if there has, the it's the old couple from Up. Reece's have so many qualities that make them the perfect contenders for being the best candy: The fact you can fit a whole one in your mouth if you really want it. The tasty little ridges along the sides of each one, cascading jaggedly outwards like sunbeams and bringing a similar amount of light to your vast and cold existence. The fact there's freakin' two of them in every pack. They say money can't buy you happiness, but they don't say anything about Reese's straight-up GIVING you happiness.