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Anatomy of a One Night Stand

by Sarah Schneider August 31, 2007


The way you sleep during a one night stand can say a lot about your feelings towards the situation…

 Wow, this actually feels nice. I could see this maybe going somewhere. But more importantly, if I’m really quiet I think I can stick it in again while she’s still sleeping.
God dammit. I KNEW I shouldn’t have ignored the fact that she had more armpit hair than me. Or that half-formed ballsac.
Ohhh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap. I can’t believe I used the ‘let’s be more than just friends’ line to get laid. Or the ‘you understand me better than anyone else’ line. Or the ‘I want you to be my girlfriend after this’ line.

Ok, don’t panic. She doesn’t know the condom broke. She totally could have gotten it from someone else. Just play it cool, and she’ll never HOLY SHIT THIS IS BAD. THIS. IS. BAD.
Ok, seriously. That has NEVER happened before, I swear. I’m usually a two, three hour kind of guy. I was just nervous because I like you so much. Oh God…
Fuck. Me.
Please don’t leave. My roommate beats me when you’re not here.
So baby, was it good for—oh forget it, I never even had an erection in the first place. Now please leave so I can strangle myself with the bra you’re conveniently going to forget.
Don’t judge me.

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Sarah Schneider

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