I had a really Mormon roommate and she would get mad when I had friends over, especially guys. She would bang on the wall and would tell my friends they'd have to leave at 9PM. It got to the point where I would have my guy friends over and we'd jump on the bed making sex noises and when she banged on the wall we'd bang back.
Taste of their own medicine
At one point during the semester I had some guys below me who didn't understand that you were supposed to be quiet during "quiet hours" and could frequently be heard around 3 a.m. screaming at their Call of Duty game and how unfair each round was. At first I tried to ignore them, close my window and what not so they wouldn't sound as loud. Next I politely asked... Read More »
#2
Piss Beer
Back in High School we had this one friend who would always drink our beer, which in our dry county was even more a precious commodity than it is. To teach him a lesson we waited till we were good and drunk and refilled our beer bottles with clear piss. Next time he came over I made sure I had the good beer hidden and of course he took a beer without asking. We let him get... Read More »
#3
Beer bag
My roommate (an otherwise awesome person) is obsessed with her boyfriend, and he came up this weekend, so I opted to stay with a friend. Monday morning, when he still hadn't left, I had to get my books and do homework in the basement of our building (only common space available) and it's fucking cold. When I went in to get my sweater at 10:30 am, they were fucking in my bed,... Read More »
#4
You got the herps
My roommate comes from a Christian Baptists school and had never drank until he got to college. One of the things we would do is get drunk and go to a hockey game and one night he got black out drunk. Being the nice roommate i am i watched over him that night and he made me miss a kick ass night so to get back at him i convinced him that a Fat, Dwarf, Goth, Girl, with a COLD... Read More »
#5
Cum Towel Wipe-Down
On a trip with my fraternity my girlfriend and I had a room and my friend who's a few years younger slept on the futon in it. So on the second night we fooled around in the room and after hooking up certain fluids were cleaned off her using a towel in the room. She left the towel behind the toilet in the bathroom and We got ready to go out to the party. Our roommate came in... Read More »
#6
Speaker wars
So I've lived in student housing for a few months now and the guy below has gotten on my last nerve. He must have speakers the size of a truck, I swear. His taste in music leaves a lot to be desired and if that isn't the worst thing, he gets back at four in the morning to play club music. The floorboards are thin enough and the walls thick enough that its only me on my... Read More »
#7
Waffe Pwned
So in my freshman year of college I had to share a dorm with this totally fat ass slob who wouldn't pick a piece of clothing or trash up of the floor in his room but thought it was okay that he brought his disgusting overweight girls over to have sex in my bed. One day i got really sick of this and when I heard he had finally gotten this girl he had been chasing for months... Read More »
#8
Herpes
So my roommate decided to pull a prank on me after a night where I was blackout drunk and couldn't remember anything (was the first time i drank hard alcohol). A few days later he told me a story of how i had sex with a "Fat, midget goth chick with cold sores all over her mouth" What really made it work was he had people in on it saying they remembered me... Read More »
#9
Germaphobes actually clean
My roommate claims to be "germaphobic," which would be fine except that she's a complete slob and doesn't clean up after herself (FYI bitch, real germaphobes clean obsessively). She leaves her stuff all over the place, but if I touch it to move it to, for example, a table instead of the middle of the floor, she lysols it, purells her hands 5 times and asks me... Read More »
Placebo
My freshman year of college, my ginger roommate bought some alcohol before he went home one weekend. When he left, my friends on my floor and I emptied his clear raspberry vodka into another bottle and replaced it with salt water (so that it wouldn't freeze) and put it back in the freezer. A week or two later, he and his friends were sitting around our room, drinking salt... Read More »
You Stink
At about 10pm, my roommate and I were in our normal habit of watching Adult Swim and playing random video games when all of a sudden we get a knock at our door. I go to open it and suddenly 2 guys burst in, with ninja wraps on their head, spray a lot of febreeze all over our stuff and run out leaving a note that says "You stink!". I was hurt until 5 minutes later... Read More »
You Mess With Kurt You Go In The Grinder
Alright Goodburger was an awesome movie back in the 90's, but I had a roommate named Kurt that would reference the movie EVERY SINGLE TIME he did something that he considered an achievement. Whether it was winning a game of beer pong or successfully pranking someone he would always top off his accomplishment by saying "you mess with Kurt you go in the grinder".... Read More »
Coke bed
My roommate, David, has a habit of opening the shower door while I'm in it and taking a picture. He then sends them to random people, including a girl I was really into. It's funny; he has this strange habit of running through the hallway, opening the door, and jumping on his bed after his last class. So, I put coke cans under each support of the bed (it was pretty... Read More »
Orange Squares
Two years ago I get assigned a roommate from Bangladesh. Its his first time ever out of his country. His first words to me were Hello how tastes it. Interesting start right. Two days later i walk in to see cheese slices all over the walls. The cheese slices have writing on them. I confront him about it and he tells me he thought they were post it notes. Apparently they do... Read More »
TV
Once had to share a room for a night with this UNBELIEVABLY annoying little kid, who's ego was inversely proportional to his size (he was 5' 2"). He kept bragging on about how smart he was (IQ score, etc.), which was quite annoying. Later said night, he decided to watch tv VERY late, and wouldn't turn the damn thing off, even though the group we were with had to get up... Read More »
Pillow
I go to a military school in Vermont and we had the biggest military ball of the year every spring. My girlfriend goes to school in Pittsburgh and we do not get to see each other very often. My room mate was a utter slob (he only bathed three times a week and only did laundry four times all year) and was always in the room. Keeping this in mind, I started asking him about... Read More »
Cigs
Me and my room mate both smoke cigarettes. one night, i silently woke up to him sneaking into my room to steal cigarettes from my night stand. no big deal. Until it happened again the next night. For revenge, the next pack of stoges he bought wear to gently massage my scrotal sack...each one...one by one. The best part about it was when he lit one of them, he licked his... Read More »
Laundry
So i have this housemate (we don't share rooms) and he is the most annoying guy you will ever come across. He NEVER cleans up after himself in the kitchen, or in the bathroom and blames it on everyone else and just complains when the house is messy. One morning i go down to the tumble drier to see that he's left his clothes in it overnight, with the window in the utility... Read More »
