Celebrating 4/20 When You Have A Drug Test Next Week
Hey guys, how's it going? No, I can't have any, I have to take a drug test next week for a job. Yeah, I'm sure. Dude, I told you, I can't have any. I can't afford to lose this …
User
Adam Hrabik
About Me
A well-wisher, a pill-pusher, a fly-fisher, a ball-buster, a gas-guzzler, a barn-burner, a mace-mister, a face-fister, a shell-shocker, a frequent-flier, a pencil-pusher, and a down-home good-for-nothin' ne'er-do-well penny-pincher walk into a bar.
Member Since
October 7th, 2006
Website
Odd Series Of Spam E-mails
To: Adam Hrabik Re: w@n+ a b1g dick?!?! hey aDamm g3t a b1ig d1ck & lad1eeez w1Lll luvvv u!!! p.s. ic3 bRe@kerr tipp—buy h3rrr a c@n of !!SPAM!!! To: Adam Hrabik Re: L0tzz of B1G MON33YZZ c …
Performing An Inspirectomy: Tearing An "Inspirational" Quote To Pieces
Inspirational quotes are everywhere. They're on your graduation invitations, on your professor's wall, and on your Starbucks cup. Apparently they're meant to inspire you, but to do what …
Season 34 of Survivor Will Reach An All-Time Low
Production Meeting Before Casting and Taping Starts (Host/Writer Jeff Probst, Producer/recent stroke victim Mark Burnett, and two other producers debate over where to set the 34th season of Surviv …
But I Digress
So this whole Don Imus thing last week got me thinking: What was a guy who does sports radio doing talking about women's basketball? Now, that probably sounds sexist, and it kinda is. In fact, t …
Super Sexy Sex Tips!
Has your love life lost its sizzle? Are you and your partner simply going through the motions? Did you run out of peanut butter? Then I'm here to help! You can follow these simple suggestions for …
How To Not Die
Hey kids! You know what's not fun at all? Dying. Every day, 73,954,443,998 people die!* You don't want to be one of those people, do you? Well, then follow these simple** instructions, and y …
A Day In The Life: The Dead Girl Who Kills You In Your Sleep From The MySpace Bulletins
8:00 a.m. Fuck, time to get up. God, I hate mornings. Time to get some coff—oh, shit, I forgot to turn the coffee pot on last night. That probably means—shit. I didn't wash the blood of …
Generic Late-Night Talk Show
(Tonight's guests include Overrated Actor and Child Who Did Something Remarkable, with musical guest Band.)Host: Hey, everyone, thanks for coming to the show! We've got a great show for you …
Elementary School vs. Sunday School: A Comparison
Two destroyers of children. One of them, the state forces you to attend. The other, your parents force you to attend if they want you to believe in Jesus. Let's see how they stack up. Elementa …
Quick! It's Not Too Late To Pull YOUR April Fools' Day Prank!!!
Oh, CollegeHumor got us good this morning! Some of you probably forgot it was even April Fools' Day! You suckers! Well, the good news is, there's still a few hours left to pull a legendary A …
MySpace Bulletin I'm Not Sure I Should Repost
****i want a relationship like this!!!**** Ethan: Hello is Ashley there? Mom: Sure. Hold on. Ashley: Hello? Ethan: Hey. it's Ethan. How was your day cunt? Ashley: What? Ethan: How was your …
Carlos Mencia Steals Jokes From This Week's PARADE Magazine
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Carlos Mencia! (Carlos walks onto the stage to unexplainable applause) Carlos: So, I was interviewing for a job, and I asked if I would get dental, and the H.R. guy …
A Newscast In The Saddest City On Earth
(Fast-paced intro music with generic graphics flying by the screen) Announcer: This is the Channel Five Acton—dammit—Action News….. with Steven McLeod…..and Tracy Mills. Steven: …
Preparing For A Movie Role: How The Hollywood Stars Do It
For his role as Mark David Chapman in the upcoming movie Chapter 27, Jared Leto reportedly put on 67 pounds by melting pints of Haagen-Dazs in the microwave, then adding olive oil and soy sauce and dr …
Not-So-Famous Historical Quotes
"Say, Brutus, what's that behind your back?" – Julius Caesar"Let's make the guillotine a bit rustier, so it takes a couple more whacks to kill 'em. How could that possibly backfire …
Three People Who Shouldn't Talk Ever Start Talking To Each Other
(Three people sitting around a small room) Bill: Last night, I totally caught syphilis from this hooker! Tom: My mom died of syphilis. (Awkward pause) Bill: Bullshit! No one has syphilis except fo …
Jeffrey Dahmer Guest Stars On Your Favorite TV Shows
"Scrubs" Dr. Wen: Turk, have you been practicing your dexterity? Turk: Well, I have been playing John Madden football on the Xbox. Jeffrey: I'd like to play John Madden football on her Xbo …
Basic Cable at 3 a.m.: An Adventure
It's 3 a.m. Four cans of Red Bull are churning in your stomach, along with whatever was in that pill the smelly kid slipped in your drink. Comedy Central just went off the air, so you're …
A Letter To Dear Abby
Dear Abby: I'm having relationship troubles. Last week my girlfriend and I were snorting coke off her grandmother's dresser and we started to have sex, but the condom broke when I slapped …
How To Get Rid Of The Obnoxious Religious Fanatic On Campus
It's a beautiful sunny day. Everything's going perfectly. You just did well on a quiz, and that cute girl in psychology didn't scowl at you for staring at her today. What could possi …
Dick Cheney's Top Ten
10. PaceMaker 6000 9. Hunting defenseless birds trapped in small areas 8. Hunting defenseless birds with my friends 7. Hunting my defenseless friends 6. Bill O'Reilly (I Love You …
