User
David Siegel
About Me
David is a political impersonator, impressionist and North Carolinian-turned-New Yorker. He's performed at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theatre and Comix in NYC, and his impressions have been featured by CNN and Congressional Quarterly. He went to UNC.
E-mail him at david.abraham.siegel@gmail.com
Member Since
February 7th, 2008
Re-boot That Router
Tech: Thank you for calling Time Warner Cable, I’m William, how can I help you?Me: Hi William. I don’t have any Internet access. I’m connected via a wireless router.Tech: I’m s …
Your Between Thanksgiving and Christmas Break To Do List - Translated
Simply roll your mouse over the text to reveal its true meaning! Review copy of syllabus from econ lecture classGet copy of syllabus from econ lecture class Finalize home/family plansBuy weed Clean …
The Wonka Lawsuit - Defendant's Answer to the Complaint
Read the original plaintiff's complaint HERE
Your college stereotyped via police blotter
Ivy League: Campus police responding to a noise complaint at Wrenington Social Hall at 2:34am reported evidence of "excessive folly" and what "seemed to be just a gay time" after arriving at the scene …
Your 8am Lecture Class Professor's End of Semester Email, Translated
Simply roll your mouse over the text to reveal its true meaning! Before you all head off for vacation I wanted to say thanks for contributing to a great semester.I have no idea who you are, but I …
Your body freaks out about swine flu
Brain: Hey everybody, thanks for coming in early. As you know there's a serious threat from this swine flu, and we need to make sure that… White Blood Cells: Zzzzzzz…. Brain: Hey! Guy …
Your body's visit to the doctor
Tongue: Agaggbalhgagggh… Esophagus: What the hell is going on?Tongue: …blaghgasghghghLarynx: Dude! Wtf? Tongue: Sorry guys. Mouth opened up and all of a sudden I was getting smothered by so …
Your Body's Night In
4pm Feet: Workin' hard there, Butt? Butt: Not really. He's been on the couch for hours, but it's pretty mindless work. Feet: I think everyone is pretty wiped. I heard Liver shouting …
If 21st Century Girls Had 17th Century Standards
Tricia and Kara, two extremely hot girls, are laying out in the quad. Tricia: Oh my god, Kara, take a look at Henry Popper over there laying on the bench. Kara: Wow. Look at that healthy, full gut. …
Your Body's Night Out
4:45 PM Stomach: Cool, he's napping. That's good, I need all the energy I can get to work on those two crunchwrap supremes he just plopped down here. Colon: Sorry, gotta do my 'thang. …
Your Commencement Speech, Translated
Simply roll your mouse over the text to reveal its true meaning! I'm amazed to see such a vibrant graduating class.I'm amazed to see such a hung-over graduating class. Months ago, I began …
Dad sets the record straight about the birds & bees...sort of
Dad: "Son, can we talk for a minute?" Son: "Sure, Dad. What's up?" Dad: "I know you've had sex-ed in school, and I know you're practically a young man, but frankly there is a lot of i …
Am I Giving Up My Subway Seat?
FAT GUY = NO FAT GUY plus CANE = YES ELDERLY VETERAN = YES ELDERLY NAZI VETERAN = NO! LADY plus BABY = YES BABY = NO? 50 BABIES = YES! OLD LADY plus BAGS = YES IMMIGRANT plus LUGGAGE = YES OLD …
Innappropriate Secret Service Code Names
The use of official Secret Service code names for presidents didn't begin until the Eisenhower Administration. However earlier presidents had them unofficially, and like most things of a differe …
Your Facebook groups as a professional resume
Watch out, seniors! As you start sending out those sharp, crisp, semi-truthful resumes, remember that even the guys in HR are on "The Facebook" today and might be checking out your profile before that …
Time since doing laundry as indicated by what you're wearing
1. Still-warm sweatpants, teddy bear fresh t-shirt ELAPSED TIME: 45 seconds 2. Crisply ironed khakis, spring fresh boxers, starched shirt ELAPSED TIME: 12 hours 3. Jeans, clean …
