How should I start this? "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." No, too literary. "Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth, on this continent, a new nation......" Too historical. "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...." Too nerdy.

If you're still reading after that, I commend you. Am I clever? Am I intelligent? Am I handsome? Does any of that validate me as a better human being? Yes, on all accounts.