If you want to be her lover, you have to LARP with her friends.
By Ben Joseph
INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT
KEN and JULIE, 20s, are on a first date.
Julie LAUGHS as Ken finishes a story. He smiles nervously.
Is everything OK? You look
I'm sorry. It's just- a girl like
you doesn't usually go out with a
guy like me. You know, a nerd.
Hey, I'm a total nerd, too.
Oh, girls always say that.
No seriously! I love Firefly, I
play Dungeons and Dragons, and I
think Holy Grail is way worse
(finishing with her)
-The Life of Brian.
(bad British accent)
Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him
The two LAUGH.
Oh, wow this is great! We have so
much in common. You should totally
come over and play Halo later.
That's a joke, right?
Uh, I just thought- since you said-
I said I was a nerd. Not some beer
guzzling frat boy who likes generic
shooters with shitty, floaty
controls, awful vehicle combat-
Ken's horrified. Julie composes herself.
I'm sorry. I get really passionate
about this stuff.
She chuckles charmingly.
Sometimes, I'll hang out in the
manga section of Barnes and Noble
Oh, I love manga! Dragonball Z,
He trails off as Julie's face falls.
Well, uh, first if you're watching
it on TV, it's an anime, not a
manga. Second, Spirited Away?
There are SO many better Ghibli
films than that over-promoted Oscar
Ghibli? Is that, like, a Pokemon?
Julie takes a deep breath.
At least tell me you watch them in
the original Japanese.
I don't really like reading
(SUB-TITLED, in Japanese)
I didn't say anything about
Ken looks at her, confused.
This isn't going to work out. We're
too different. Like Otacon and
I'm not sure-
Julie gets up to leave. Ken stops her.
Wait! So you're a little nerdier
than I am. We both love pop
culture. There has to be some
Julie thinks for a moment.
The prequels: So bad, am I right?
I know! When they made Yoda fight
with that tiny lightsaber? That
looked so silly.
Almost as silly as having Yuuzhan
Vong kill Chewbacca, right?
Oh, uh, that guy- He's so evil-
Ooo, evil robot dude-
Ken trails off. He's got nothing.
Oh for F*CK'S sake. The Expanded
Universe? The novels, the comics?
Don't those suck?
That's not the point! Sure, Martha
Jones was a shitty Dr. Who
companion, but that doesn't mean I
stopped watching Dr. Who.
Julie's eyes start to water.
That better have been a clever
Of course it was!
He's James a Bond villain, right?
Julie stares at Ken, almost in tears. She SLAPS him across
the face and walks away.
INT. BEDROOM - LATER
Julie and her friend STACY paint LEAD FIGURINES as if they
were painting their toenails.
-and he couldn't even name all of
the current Batman titles.
Sh. Sh. It's OK. Let's go play some