From CH Staff on
The worst rules are the ones you have to follow.
By Ben Joseph
INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT Rich walks in, carrying a LARGE SPACE RIFLE. LARRY They gave us our gun back?! Lemme see! Lemme see! Lemme see! RICH No. No! You're the reason they took it away in the first place. LARRY That doesn't sound like me. INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - FLASHBACK An OFFICER hands Larry and Rich the gun. OFFICER -so we'll be returning your station's fire-arm on a PROBATIONARY basis- Larry grabs the gun. LARRY Woo! We got our gun back! I'm going to live forever! YEE-HAW! Larry SHOOTS THE CEILING several time, then freezes. The officer stares with his hand out. Larry fires one more time. INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE LARRY One time. So what? RICH More than once. The Princess? LARRY She seduced me! INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - PRINCESS CELL - FLASHBACK Larry JOGS into frame then slows, trying to act casual. LARRY Hey, Princess, wanna see my gun? PRINCESS (shrugs) OK. INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT LARRY God, she wanted me. RICH She killed ten of our guards. LARRY You're not perfect either, dude. INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - HALLWAY - FLASHBACK AIR and DEBRIS rush past Larry and Rich, who cling to the walls for dear life. Rich has the gun. RICH (over the noise) SEE? I TOLD YOU I COULD HIT THAT WINDOW. NOW PAY UP. LARRY (casual) YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU. BUT NOW- NOW I DO. Larry tries to hand Rich some MONEY, but it slips out of his hand and is sucked down the hallway. Another Trooper FLIES PAST as well. INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT LARRY We have lost our gun privileges a lot. RICH Yeah, 23 times. (beat) Still, shooting a hole in the wall? Not as bad as giving it to the Princess. LARRY You already brought that up. RICH I mean the second time. LARRY Ah. INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - PRINCESSES CELL - FLASHBACK Larry approaches the cell. LARRY Well, Princess, I've taken some completely voluntary precautions, and you won't get this gun again. REVEAL: The gun is DUCT TAPED to Larry's hand and body. PRINCESS Really? LARRY Not happenin'. PRINCESS Really? LARRY Nope. PRINCESS Really? LARRY Na-uh. PRINCESS (with emphasis) Really? REVEAL: The Princess now has the gun. Larry's tape is torn. LARRY No way. CUT TO: An empty cell. LARRY Not a chance. Not a chance. INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT LARRY Oh yeah? I'm SO bad? What about Chase? INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - HALLWAY - FLASHBACK Rich and Larry talk to CHASE, a Trooper. Rich holds the gun. CHASE So yeah, our armor? Completely laser proof. Give it a shot. RICH That doesn't sound true- CHASE Oh, come on, don't be a puss. IMPROV ARGUMENT, Chase and Larry egging Rich on. RICH (cheerfully giving in) OK, fine! Rich shoots Chase. He INSTANTLY EXPLODES. It's big, instant, and horrible. Rich is horrified. After a beat: LARRY Huh. Try me. INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT LARRY See? We've both screwed up. Let's just take better care of the gun this time. Agreed? RICH Agreed. REVEAL: The Princess is now holding the gun to Larry's head. PRINCESS Agreed. RICH (disappointed) Really? END.