Troopers: Gun Privileges

By

Ben Joseph

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT

          Rich walks in, carrying a LARGE SPACE RIFLE.

                              LARRY
                    They gave us our gun back?! Lemme
                    see! Lemme see! Lemme see!

                              RICH
                    No. No! You're the reason they took
                    it away in the first place.

                              LARRY
                    That doesn't sound like me.

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - FLASHBACK

          An OFFICER hands Larry and Rich the gun.

                              OFFICER
                    -so we'll be returning your
                    station's fire-arm on a
                    PROBATIONARY basis-

          Larry grabs the gun.

                              LARRY
                    Woo! We got our gun back! I'm going
                    to live forever! YEE-HAW!

          Larry SHOOTS THE CEILING several time, then freezes. The
          officer stares with his hand out. Larry fires one more time.

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE

                              LARRY
                    One time. So what?

                              RICH
                    More than once. The Princess?

                              LARRY
                    She seduced me!

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - PRINCESS CELL - FLASHBACK

          Larry JOGS into frame then slows, trying to act casual.

                              LARRY
                    Hey, Princess, wanna see my gun?

                              PRINCESS
                         (shrugs)
                    OK.

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT

                              LARRY
                    God, she wanted me.

                              RICH
                    She killed ten of our guards.

                              LARRY
                    You're not perfect either, dude.

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - HALLWAY - FLASHBACK

          AIR and DEBRIS rush past Larry and Rich, who cling to the
          walls for dear life. Rich has the gun.

                              RICH
                         (over the noise)
                    SEE? I TOLD YOU I COULD HIT THAT
                    WINDOW. NOW PAY UP.

                              LARRY
                         (casual)
                    YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU. BUT
                    NOW- NOW I DO.

          Larry tries to hand Rich some MONEY, but it slips out of his
          hand and is sucked down the hallway. Another Trooper FLIES
          PAST as well.

          

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT

                              LARRY
                    We have lost our gun privileges a
                    lot.

                              RICH
                    Yeah, 23 times.
                         (beat)
                    Still, shooting a hole in the wall?
                    Not as bad as giving it to the
                    Princess.

                              LARRY
                    You already brought that up.

                              RICH
                    I mean the second time.

                              LARRY
                    Ah.

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - PRINCESSES CELL - FLASHBACK

          Larry approaches the cell.

                              LARRY
                    Well, Princess, I've taken some
                    completely voluntary precautions,
                    and you won't get this gun again.

          REVEAL: The gun is DUCT TAPED to Larry's hand and body.

                              PRINCESS
                    Really?

                              LARRY
                    Not happenin'.

                              PRINCESS
                    Really?

                              LARRY
                    Nope.

                              PRINCESS
                    Really?

                              LARRY
                    Na-uh.

                              PRINCESS
                         (with emphasis)
                    Really?

          REVEAL: The Princess now has the gun. Larry's tape is torn.

                              LARRY
                    No way.

          CUT TO: An empty cell.

                              LARRY
                    Not a chance. Not a chance.

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT

                              LARRY
                    Oh yeah? I'm SO bad? What about
                    Chase?

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - HALLWAY - FLASHBACK

          Rich and Larry talk to CHASE, a Trooper. Rich holds the gun.

                              CHASE
                    So yeah, our armor? Completely
                    laser proof. Give it a shot.

                              RICH
                    That doesn't sound true-

                              CHASE
                    Oh, come on, don't be a puss.

          IMPROV ARGUMENT, Chase and Larry egging Rich on.

                              RICH
                         (cheerfully giving in)
                    OK, fine!

          Rich shoots Chase. He INSTANTLY EXPLODES. It's big, instant,
          and horrible. Rich is horrified. After a beat:

                              LARRY
                    Huh. Try me.

          INT. CELL BLOCK AA-38 - CONSOLE - PRESENT

                              LARRY
                    See? We've both screwed up. Let's
                    just take better care of the gun
                    this time. Agreed?

                              RICH
                    Agreed.

          REVEAL: The Princess is now holding the gun to Larry's head.

                              PRINCESS
                    Agreed.

                              RICH
                         (disappointed)
                    Really?

          END.