From CH Staff on
Dig in. Pig out.UnsSubscribe ToFrom Hardly Working
By Patrick Cassels
INT. SOMEWHERE IN THE OFFICE NEAR A TABLE (DAY) Jeff and Amir are eating lunch. Sandwiches. BLT's with chicken and avocados. On whole wheat, toasted. MMM. So good. AMIR I've had a cold-- like a bad headcold, coughing, sneezing, sore throat, for the past... 40, 50 weeks. JEFF Are you bragging? Streeter sits down with a salad and a bowl of chili. STREETER Hey duders. JEFF/AMIR Hey duder. STREETER You guys mind if I trough this? JEFF Nope. AMIR Trough? Streeter dumps the salad and chili into a mini trough (breadloaf pan.) and starts shoveling the food into his mouth with his hands, snorting. AMIR Oh my god. STREETER What? Did we kill Osama? AMIR Yeah, a while ago, but I'm talking about how you're eating. STREETER You said it was okay. AMIR Jeff said it was okay. I just said "Trough?" STREETER (to Jeff) You gonna finish that? JEFF No. STREETER Toss it in the trough. Jeff tosses his sandwich in there. STREETER Jesus, like, break it up when you toss it in. Piece by piece. Here. Streeter gets Jeff's hands down and dirty, separating the sandwich and pressing it down into the trough. STREETER See that? JEFF Yeah, sorry. Back to troughing for Streeter. AMIR Why? JEFF Back off, you put ketchup on your eggs. AMIR PEOPLE DO THAT. And I wasn't even talking to you. Pat comes by with a plate of half finished lasagna and brown rice. He stands next to Streeter, offering him. PAT Hey duder. Interested? Streeter examines. PAT Lasagna. Brown rice. STREETER Ya, ya, drop it. Pat scrapes the food into Streeter's trough. He breaks it up with his hands like a pro. Streeter resumes troughing his lunch. AMIR God, you sound disgusting. Pat starts walking away, Streeter without looking up grabs the back of Pats knee and grunts. STREETER I SAID DROP IT. PAT I did! Streeter lets go. Pat limps away. AMIR Is this like a time-saving thing? STREETER You tell me! Streeter shows Amir the trough. It's still full. AMIR There's still a LOT a LOT of food in there. STREETER Pat threw in some Lasagna. My salad and my chili is pretty much gone. AMIR Lotta chili left, man. Sarah comes by and throws in a Kraft single cheese slice. STREETER That's Lasagna. No way, that's lasagna. (to Sarah) Thanks. JEFF It's lasagna, Amir. Trust me. AMIR You're not looking! (to Streeter) Down there. That's lasagna? STREETER That's chili that's like, a little bit of chili. (moving food around) AMIR It's not. Murph pours in the rest of his blue powerade. STREETER (to murph) Thanks. (back to Amir) There's a little bit of tuna casserole stuck to the side from last week-- AMIR Gross. STREETER How often do you clean your trough. AMIR Never. I don't use a-- STREETER You're the gross one then. Fact is, I'm about to switch to my work trough while you're still nursing that small ass sandwich. That's efficiency. AMIR Work trough? Streeter scoops the remains into a paper cup, the kind they serve frozen yogurt in, and puts a rubber band around it and his head so it sticks to his face like a surgical mask. STREETER See. Work trough. AMIR Where do you even get that? STREETER Standard to-go container. Won ton soup comes in something like this. Fro-yo, like 16 handles on 2nd ave-- He then walks towards his computer with his head tilted back, eating, dripping chili, snorting. He starts working. Snorting. Dripping. AMIR (eating his sandwich) Right right. This is okay? Everybody is okay with this? Shot of Streeter eating, snorting, dripping. Amir is yelling to all who will listen. AMIR (still eating) Yeah? Cool then! I'm the crazy one I guess! PAT Stop talking with your mouth full. AMIR Sorry. THE END POST-HUH The entire office is silently working in a super wide shot. We can see, and more importantly hear, Streeter just eating away with his work trough.