Say neigh to horseplay.
By Caldwell Tanner
INT. OFFICE, 274 DAYS BEFORE THE BLOODRECKONING STREETER and PAT are walking past JEFF's desk. STREETER And that's how fudge is made. PAT Ohhh, See I would have never thought about rounding the corner, thanks for the tip! STREETER Hey no probl-WHOA! STREETER is shocked as JEFF jumps on him from behind. JEFF Surprise Horsey Ride Goooo! STREETER Jeff cut it out! You know I have chronic sunburned shoulders! STREETER begins bucking wildly. JEFF whoops and laughs. STREETER Get off! Pat tell him to stop! Cut to PAT, who responds jokingly to STREETER PAT He can't stop now, he's almost got the record! Go Jeff Go! Cut to a CROWD of coworkers they begin chanting, PAT eagerly joins in. CROWD Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Close on MURPH, who is shouting angrily. MURPH RIDE HIM, JEFF! RIDE HIM LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL STALLION HE IS. STREETER (Still struggling to buck JEFF) Jeff knock it off!! Someone's gonna get hu-Whoa! STREETER then trips and falls over, tossing Jeff to the side. A crunching sound is heard.The CROWD gasps. JEFF and PAT rush over and kneel in front of STREETER. JEFF Oh no! I reckon I went too far! STREETER (Grabbing his leg in pain) OWW! My leg! I think it's broken! PAT Hush up now, boy. The doctor's on his way. Here, have an apple. PAT starts shoving an apple into STREETER's face, he spits it out and tries to stand up. STREETER I don't need an apple, man, here just help me up! Guys? JEFF (ignoring STREETER) Tell me straight, Pat, will he ever race again? PAT removes the cowboy hat he wasn't wearing until just now. PAT T'ain't for me to say, son. S'in God's hands now. Cut to STREETER still on the floor with his phone out. STREETER Okay I called the emergency room, can someone help me get a cab or- SARAH (offscreen) Aw Tarnation! Cut SARAH who is dressed from head to toe as a FRONTIER DOCTOR, complete with black medicine bag, cowboy hat and a giant curly mustache. SARAH It's worse than I figgered! JEFF Dr. Schneider! What do you think? Will Ol' Streetey pull though? STREETER Why does Sarah have a mustache? SARAH I'm afraid I'm gonna have to put this stud out of his mis'ry. He's all washed up. JEFF No doc, He's my horse. I figger I ough to do it. SARAH You've become a fine man, yer father'd be right proud. STREETER Is anyone even listening to me anymore? SARAH pulls an impossibly long shotgun out of her medicine bag and hands it to JEFF, who is now also wearing a cowboy hat. Mournful Western music begins playing. JEFF Thanks doc. I reckon he would too. JEFF nods at PAT, who removes his hat in reverence. He then turns back to STREETER. STREETER Jeff! Hey finally! Can you help me u-OHMYGOD STREETER raises his hand, we then cut to JEFF raising the gun. A loud gunshot is heard. Everyone in the office removes their cowboy hats and looks sad. A single tear falls from MURPH's eye. The camera then pans out to show that Murph is riding Kevin. He sighs loudly. MURPH It's a damn shame, ain't it Kev. KEVIN Yeah. MURPH Let's go home. He digs his heels into Kevin's sides and rides off. END Post-Huh JEFF is putting together a collage of Streeter that reads "IN MEMORIAM". He realizes he is out of glue, and reaches for a giant bottle of paste labeled "STREETER GLUE."