Next Level Hugs!

By

CollegeHumor

          ANIMATED TITLE SEQUENCE: NEXT LEVEL!

          High-powered guitar music and flashy, anime-style graphics
          reveal our topic for the week: HUGS!

          INT. COOL BASEMENT - HOVER HUG

          CALDWELL and OWEN, two average guys in their early twenties,
          run toward each other. (NOTE: All the action is filmed in a
          super-stylized manner, reminiscent of 
          a live-action anime. Simple mundane
          movements are heightened to a comic book extreme.)

          Caldwell and Owen LEAP at each other, EMBRACING IN MID-AIR.
          They magically hang there for a few seconds as the camera
          rotates around them.

                              ANNOUNCER
                         (w/ title)
                    HOVER HUG!

          Caldwell and Owen, still embracing, look around. They're not
          sure how to get down.

          NEXT LEVEL! TRANSITION TO:

          INT. COOL BASEMENT - HUG HEIST

          OWEN, shy, sneaks glances at a CUTE GIRL across the room.
          They finally meet eyes and move toward each other for a hug.

          Right before they embrace, CALDWELL, wearing a domino mask,
          LEAPS DOWN from above like a ninja burglar and embraces
          Owen.

                              ANNOUNCER
                         (w/ title)
                    HUG HEIST!

          The girl shrugs and walks off. Caldwell, super-pumped, gives
          a thumbs up to camera. Owen's less thrilled.

          NEXT LEVEL! TRANSITION TO:

          INT. COOL BASEMENT - MIDASTROPHE

          OWEN, wearing a Caesar-style LAUREL WREATH on his head,
          haughtily touches objects in the room, TURNING THEM TO GOLD.

          CALDWELL enters with a PIZZA. Sweet! Owen grabs a slice, but
          it turns to gold in his hand. Owen's crushed.

          Caldwell gives Owen a comforting hug. Upon their embrace,
          though, Caldwell is ALSO TURNED TO GOLD. Owen is trapped in
          his friend's shiny metal embrace.

                              ANNOUNCER
                         (w/ title)
                    MIDASTROPHE!

          EXT. WOODS - LUMBERJACKED

          OWEN & CALDWELL wear flannel shirts and look super manly. A
          MIGHTY PINE stands between them. They nod at each other.

          BAM. They hug the tree from either side. They embrace with
          SUCH STRENGTH that the tree CRACKS and SPLINTERS. Finally,
          the trunk IMPLODES between them.

          SUPER WIDE ANGLE: The tallest tree in the forest falls down.

                              ANNOUNCER
                         (with title)
                    LUMBERJACKED!

          INT. COOL BASEMENT - HAUNTED HUG

          CALDWELL sees OWEN, in a suit, across the room. Owen,
          strangely emotionless, waves and walks toward Caldwell.

          Caldwell, excited, tries to give Owen a hug, but PASSES
          THROUGH HIM LIKE A GHOST. Caldwell turns around, confused.

          WIDE SHOT: Owen was actually walking to embrace Caldwell's
          MOTHER, dressed in black. Other members of Caldwell's family
          are there, as well. It's a WAKE and Caldwell is a GHOST.

          A giant PICTURE of Caldwell giving the thumbs up sits next
          to a coffin. Caldwell, horrified, screams to the heavens.

                              ANNOUNCER
                         (In a somber whisper)
                    Haunted Huuuuuug.

          INT. COOL BASEMENT - EXCAVATOR

          CALDWELL and OWEN, covered in dirt, throw on mining helmets.
          They approach each other and execute a classic BRO-GRAB.

          The bros nod in unison. They being SPINNING in their
          embrace. They spin so fast that they blur into a TORNADO OF
          MANLY HUGGING and DRILL INTO THE FLOOR.

          CUT TO: A super wide shot shows us the "bro-drill" drilling
          through the ENTIRE EARTH.

          CUT TO: An ASIAN VERSION OF OUR BASEMENT. The boys DRILL UP
          through the floor and finally stop spinning. They break the
          embrace and unclasp their joined palms, revealing a WHOLE
          BUNCH OF DIAMONDS.

                              ANNOUNCER
                         (w/ title )
                    EXCAVATOR!

          INT. COOL BASEMENT - QUANTUM HUG

          OWEN and CALDWELL, each wearing a stylized, steam punk-ish
          TIME TRAVEL DEVICE (gauntlets, tubes, etc.), bravely hug
          each other.

          Their time travel devices ACTIVATE, and they spin into a
          VORTEX filled with shifting colors and grandfather clocks.

          CUT TO: A FUTURISTIC CITY. A PORTAL opens and Owen &
          Caldwell spill out. They're excited until they see a series
          of 1984-style WARNING SIGNS: "No Hugs," and "Embrace
          Authority, Not One Another." They GASP.

          A GIANT ROBOT appears with a "NO HUGS" sign on its chest. It
          DISINTEGRATES the boys.

                              ANNOUNCER
                         (w/ title)
                    QUANTUM HUG.

          SMASH CUT to TITLE CARD: NEXT LEVEL

                              ANNOUNCER
                    NEXT LEVEL!

          END.