He's rolling on the floor LYING.
By Dan Gurewitch
INT. OFFICE (DAN & DAVID'S POD) - A GOOD DAY TO DIE
DAN and DAVID, CH's most handsome men, sit at their desks,
typing to each other on AIM. We see what they are typing (as
written below) in SUBTITLES, over shots of their faces as
they type. Dan & David's dialogue is ALWAYS TYPED.
and ever since then, I've called my
mother "The Mozzarella Mommy!"
Noticing that Dan didn't actually laugh, David's smile fades
away and he becomes concerned.
u didn't laugh
u typed "haha." but u didn't laugh
there. u just did it again
ok, point taken. chipotle?
David decides he'll let it go, this time.
good call. i'm so hungry i'm angry.
(more upset now)
now u're being straight-up
wut, i enjoyed the joke
u ever see a comedy special where
the audience sat in dead silence
and then said they loved it
uh can we just go to chipotle
because i am jonesing for a burrito
[LINE TBD relating to
David sends Dan a PICTURE TBD.
u didn't even smile. i feel like i
can't trust u anymore
dont say things u dont mean
(really hurt now)
what else have u been lying to me
about? how deep does this rabbit
Hey guys, check out this viral
world wide web film clip.
Streeter sends Dan & David A STUPID CLIP.
David laughs, then looks at Dan (still stone-faced).
don't u dare
Dan shakes his head in a silent apology, as if he doesn't
want to type this, but he doesn't have a choice. Beat.
David TYPES FURIOUSLY, slamming on his keyboard:
F*CK THIS & F*CK U. U type "haha"
or LOL or ROFLMAO when u are
actually laughing! Friendship is
built on a pillar of trust and that
pillar has CRUMBLED 2 THE GROUND!
Dan looks very serious, very emotional. He types to David,
who doesn't pay attention, looks away from his computer,
hurt and disgusted.
david... i have a medical
condition... i can't laugh.
PATRICK walks by, addresses Dan and David.
Hey guys! Just got back from
Just then, a FOOTBALL flies in from O.S., hitting Patrick in
the nuts. He doubles over in goofy pain, EYES CROSSED, and
unleashes a MONSTER FART. He then SLIPS ON A BANANA PEEL and
falls on the ground. Just after his head hits the ground
(face-up), a CREAM PIE falls from above ONTO HIS FACE.
As EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE ERUPTS IN LAUGHTER, David looks at
Dan, serious. CRASH ZOOM to Dan's face: A SINGLE
SILENT TEAR drips from his emotionless eye.
He slowly hits two keys, and an OMINOUS "BOOM" SOUND
accompanies each one as the following two characters appear
superimposed HUGE across the ENTIRE SCREEN: