Hardly Working: LOL

By

Dan Gurewitch

          INT. OFFICE (DAN & DAVID'S POD) - A GOOD DAY TO DIE

          DAN and DAVID, CH's most handsome men, sit at their desks,
          typing to each other on AIM. We see what they are typing (as
          written below) in SUBTITLES, over shots of their faces as
          they type. Dan & David's dialogue is ALWAYS TYPED.

                              DAVID
                         (smiling)
                    and ever since then, I've called my
                    mother "The Mozzarella Mommy!"

                              DAN
                         (stone-faced)
                    haha.

          Noticing that Dan didn't actually laugh, David's smile fades
          away and he becomes concerned.

                              DAVID
                    hey man.

                              DAN
                    sup.

                              DAVID
                    u didn't laugh

                              DAN
                    wut

                              DAVID
                    u typed "haha." but u didn't laugh

                              DAN
                         (stone-faced)
                    haha, sorry.

                              DAVID
                         (frustrated)
                    there. u just did it again

                              DAN
                    ok, point taken. chipotle?

          David decides he'll let it go, this time.

                              DAVID
                    good call. i'm so hungry i'm angry.
                    i'm hangry.

                              DAN
                         (stone-faced)
                    lol.

                              DAVID
                         (more upset now)
                    now u're being straight-up
                    dishonest

                              DAN
                    wut, i enjoyed the joke

                              DAVID
                    u ever see a comedy special where
                    the audience sat in dead silence
                    and then said they loved it
                    afterwards?

                              DAN
                    uh can we just go to chipotle
                    because i am jonesing for a burrito
                    w/guac

                              DAVID
                    [LINE TBD relating to
                    PICTURE TBD]

          David sends Dan a PICTURE TBD.

                              DAN
                         (typing, stone-faced)
                    rofl

                              DAVID
                    no.

                              DAN
                    wut.

                              DAVID
                    u didn't even smile. i feel like i
                    can't trust u anymore

                              DAN
                         (hurt)
                    dont say things u dont mean

                              DAVID
                         (really hurt now)
                    what else have u been lying to me
                    about? how deep does this rabbit
                    hole go?

                              STREETER
                         (out loud)
                    Hey guys, check out this viral
                    world wide web film clip.

          Streeter sends Dan & David A STUPID CLIP.
          David laughs, then looks at Dan (still stone-faced).

                              DAVID
                    don't u dare

          Dan shakes his head in a silent apology, as if he doesn't
          want to type this, but he doesn't have a choice. Beat.

                              DAN
                         (stone-faced)
                    roflmao

          David TYPES FURIOUSLY, slamming on his keyboard:

                              DAVID
                    F*CK THIS & F*CK U. U type "haha"
                    or LOL or ROFLMAO when u are
                    actually laughing! Friendship is
                    built on a pillar of trust and that
                    pillar has CRUMBLED 2 THE GROUND!

          Dan looks very serious, very emotional. He types to David,
          who doesn't pay attention, looks away from his computer,
          hurt and disgusted.

                              DAN
                    david... i have a medical
                    condition... i can't laugh.

          PATRICK walks by, addresses Dan and David.

                              PATRICK
                         (out loud)
                    Hey guys! Just got back from
                    Chipotle.

          Just then, a FOOTBALL flies in from O.S., hitting Patrick in
          the nuts. He doubles over in goofy pain, EYES CROSSED, and
          unleashes a MONSTER FART. He then SLIPS ON A BANANA PEEL and
          falls on the ground. Just after his head hits the ground
          (face-up), a CREAM PIE falls from above ONTO HIS FACE.

          As EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE ERUPTS IN LAUGHTER, David looks at
          Dan, serious. CRASH ZOOM to Dan's face: A SINGLE
          SILENT TEAR drips from his emotionless eye.

          He slowly hits two keys, and an OMINOUS "BOOM" SOUND
          accompanies each one as the following two characters appear
          superimposed HUGE across the ENTIRE SCREEN:

                              :D

          END.