Constructive criticism turns destructive.
By Patrick Cassels & Owen Parsons
INT. DREADCRUISER (HALLWAY)
A RANDOM TROOPER (somehow distinct from Rich and Larry)
strolls down the hallway, whistling.
He passes by a "SUGGESTION BOX" with some scraps of paper
and pencils. He stares at the box. Beat. He shrugs his
shoulders, scribbles a suggestion and stuffs it into the
box. SLIGHT PAN to reveal DREADLORD next to the box.
The Trooper screams, drops the pencil.
I see you've used my suggestion
box. Very good.
Uh, no sir. That is, um.
Dreadlord picks up the box and opens it.
Ha, don't worry. It's completely
anonymous. Why, any of these
suggestions could be yours.
Dreadlord turns the box upside down and shakes. After a few
more seconds than normal, ONE PIECE of paper flutters out.
He picks up the paper and unfolds it.
Okay, let's see what we have here.
See, company morale is very impor-
"More mashed potatoes in the mess
(explosion of anger)
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!
Dreadlord draws a pistol and disintegrates the Trooper. He
SCREAMS IN PAIN as he dies.
SLIGHT PAN reveals RICH and LARRY, frozen in horror.
(to Larry; whisper)
I know. Shut up.
I'm really glad we're doing this.
It's important that you all don't
feel like drones.
TROOPER 2 enters.
You there, drone! Care to add your
two cents to the suggestion box?
Behind Dreadlord's back, Rich and Larry fervently shake
their heads and wave their arms as if to say, "No."
He fills out a suggestion and slips it in the box. Dreadlord
intercepts it and immediately opens it.
"You're doing a great job!" Aww.
Rich and Larry nod and give the Trooper excited thumbs up.
That is not a suggestion!
Dreadlord disintegrates the screaming Trooper. Dreadlord
turns to Rich and Larry and throws his hands up.
Can you believe that guy?
Rich and Larry, still giving thumbs up, stare at Dreadlord
for a scared moment, then quickly switch to thumbs down.
No, sir. Boo that guy.
Indeed. "Boo him."
(nods; hands on hips)
Dreadlord Sinister, um, sir, it's
great you're open to suggestions.
Yes. Great. I am great.
But you're killing everybody who
I don't follow.
TROOPER 3 enters and approaches the box.
Whoop, dead man walkin'.
Dreadlord hovers over the Trooper. The Trooper looks up from
Yeah, I thought this was gonna be
Oh, of course.
Dreadlord takes a single, polite step back.
CLOSE UP on Trooper 3. He shrugs and stuffs his suggestion
in the box and is IMMEDIATELY DISINTEGRATED.
Dreadlord casually ENTERS FRAME and grabs the suggestion.
You didn't even read his
Rich elbows Larry.
Well, I'm sure it was terrible.
"Fewer random killings." See!
Why did you even put up a
It was a suggestion from a valued
employee, may he rest in peace.
Forgive me, my Lord, but if you
want your employees' respect you
need to actually listen to them. Or
at least not kill them. That's what
being a boss is all about.
An inspirational moment as they all take this in.
Wow, you're right.
Oh, thank you.
I never really thought about it
that way before.
Truly a great suggestion.
Well, I think-
(suddenly getting it)
Oh wait fuck.
Dreadlord is POINTING THE GUN AT RICH.