Ever feel like it's not always about you?
By Sarah Schneider
EXT. T-REX PADDOCK - NIGHT
DR. ALAN GRANT, DR. ELLIE SATTLER, DR. IAN MALCOLM, LEX,
TIM, and lawyer DONALD GENNARO crouch, terrified, behind a
JURASSIC PARK SUV. A T-REX stands behind the van, roaring.
What do we do!?
Just keep calm, Lex. She can't see
us if we don't move.
Alan, we have to get the children
to safety. Mr. Gennaro-
Gennaro looks up. He is a total pussy.
-take this flare and distract the
What? That's suicide!
I promise, nothing is going to
happen to you.
Grant and Sattler eye each other and nod in agreement.
Wait a second. I'm only here to
die, aren't I?
Of course not. You're a very
Oh really? What's my first name?
They all struggle to remember.
Mark?/Martin?/It's a "ma" sound.
Right. And you're just as important
to the story as the rest of us.
The lawyer? Yeah right. What are
I'm a world renowned
paleontologist. I know more about
dinosaurs than anyone alive.
Uh-huh, and you?
Paleobotanist. Also extremely
knowledgeable about dinosaurs.
I'm a chaos theorist.
Well that doesn't sound so
important. Here, you take the
Yes, but, you see, I'm also the
only one who questioned, uh, the
whole "meddling with nature" thing,
so now I have to stick around to
rub it in everyone's face.
Grant and Sattler chuckle.
Oh great, and you're the comic
relief? Give me a break.
Gennaro turns to the kids.
Obviously you two aren't going
anywhere. You're children.
But I'm also a computer genius.
How are you a computer genius?
Good idea, be mean to the children.
That'll help you stick around.
The T-Rex nudges the van with his nose and the group swings
around with it for a beat. Once settled:
Mr. Gennaro, if I have any chance
of learning to love these children,
I'm going to need your help in
If you love them so much, why don't
you throw the flare?
Well I don't love them yet.
(looking at him lovingly)
But you will.
Oh great, and you two are an item
too? This just keeps getting worse.
I told you, this whole thing was a
Save it for the ending, Malcolm.
Malcolm puts his hands up ("okay, okay"). Gennaro picks up
Listen, there's got to be another
way. If we just put our heads
Grant pushes Gennaro out from behind the car, lighting the
flare as he stumbles out. The T-Rex, noticing the movement,
immediately starts running towards him. Gennaro shrieks and
starts running away, but suddenly has an idea and stops.
Wait! I'm the only one here who
knows the park's layout!
The T-Rex freezes.
Don't worry, we can just wing it.
The T-Rex resumes the chase.
(a little more panicked)
Wait wait! I'm an excellent
lock-picker and you might need that
The T-Rex freezes.
Actually, the locks are computer
She motions to Lex, who waves at Gennaro smugly.
The T-Rex resumes the chase. She is almost upon Gennaro.
(last ditch effort)
I'm the secret father of those
The T-Rex freezes literally right in front of Gennaro.
Is this true?
Our father's name is Howard. He's
The T-Rex reaches down and eats Gennaro whole.
Oh, and we're gonna need to mess up
your leg so you're laid up for the
rest of the movie. Sorry.
No worries. I know I'm only funny
in small doses.