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By Sarah Schneider
EXT. T-REX PADDOCK - NIGHT DR. ALAN GRANT, DR. ELLIE SATTLER, DR. IAN MALCOLM, LEX, TIM, and lawyer DONALD GENNARO crouch, terrified, behind a JURASSIC PARK SUV. A T-REX stands behind the van, roaring. It's raining. LEX What do we do!? GRANT Just keep calm, Lex. She can't see us if we don't move. SATTLER Alan, we have to get the children to safety. Mr. Gennaro- Gennaro looks up. He is a total pussy. SATTLER (CONT'D) -take this flare and distract the T-Rex. GENNARO What? That's suicide! SATTLER I promise, nothing is going to happen to you. Grant and Sattler eye each other and nod in agreement. GENNARO (realizing) Wait a second. I'm only here to die, aren't I? GRANT Of course not. You're a very important character GENNARO Oh really? What's my first name? They all struggle to remember. EVERYONE Mark?/Martin?/It's a "ma" sound. GENNARO DONALD. GRANT Right. And you're just as important to the story as the rest of us. GENNARO The lawyer? Yeah right. What are you? GRANT I'm a world renowned paleontologist. I know more about dinosaurs than anyone alive. GENNARO Uh-huh, and you? SATTLER Paleobotanist. Also extremely knowledgeable about dinosaurs. MALCOLM I'm a chaos theorist. GENNARO Well that doesn't sound so important. Here, you take the flare. MALCOLM Yes, but, you see, I'm also the only one who questioned, uh, the whole "meddling with nature" thing, so now I have to stick around to rub it in everyone's face. Grant and Sattler chuckle. GENNARO Oh great, and you're the comic relief? Give me a break. Gennaro turns to the kids. GENNARO (CONT'D) (dry) Obviously you two aren't going anywhere. You're children. LEX But I'm also a computer genius. GENNARO How are you a computer genius? You're 11. MALCOLM Good idea, be mean to the children. That'll help you stick around. The T-Rex nudges the van with his nose and the group swings around with it for a beat. Once settled: GRANT Mr. Gennaro, if I have any chance of learning to love these children, I'm going to need your help in saving them. GENNARO If you love them so much, why don't you throw the flare? GRANT Well I don't love them yet. SATTLER (looking at him lovingly) But you will. GENNARO Oh great, and you two are an item too? This just keeps getting worse. MALCOLM I told you, this whole thing was a mistake! GENNARO Save it for the ending, Malcolm. Malcolm puts his hands up ("okay, okay"). Gennaro picks up the flare. GENNARO (CONT'D) Listen, there's got to be another way. If we just put our heads togeth-whoa! Grant pushes Gennaro out from behind the car, lighting the flare as he stumbles out. The T-Rex, noticing the movement, immediately starts running towards him. Gennaro shrieks and starts running away, but suddenly has an idea and stops. GENNARO (yelling) Wait! I'm the only one here who knows the park's layout! The T-Rex freezes. GRANT Don't worry, we can just wing it. The T-Rex resumes the chase. GENNARO (a little more panicked) Wait wait! I'm an excellent lock-picker and you might need that later! The T-Rex freezes. SATTLER Actually, the locks are computer operated, so... She motions to Lex, who waves at Gennaro smugly. The T-Rex resumes the chase. She is almost upon Gennaro. GENNARO (last ditch effort) I'm the secret father of those children! The T-Rex freezes literally right in front of Gennaro. MALCOLM (to children) Is this true? TIM (weirded out) Our father's name is Howard. He's in Portland. The T-Rex reaches down and eats Gennaro whole. GRANT (to Malcolm) Oh, and we're gonna need to mess up your leg so you're laid up for the rest of the movie. Sorry. MALCOLM No worries. I know I'm only funny in small doses.