Batman Meets The Riddler

By

Front Page Films

          INT. WAREHOUSE - HALLWAY

          BATMAN walks down the hall cautiously.

                              BATMAN
                    Rachel?

          INT. WAREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM

          RACHEL DAWES is bound to an operating table.

                              RACHEL
                    Batman!

                              BATMAN
                    Rachel!

                              RIDDLER (O.S.)
                    A riddle for you, Batman.

          THE RIDDLER steps out of the shadows, pointing a sub-machine
          gun at Rachel. This isn't your comic-book campy version of
          the Riddler, he's twisted and clearly insane. He has self
          inflicted scars of question marks all over his face and
          body. He wears a dirty green fedora and has dark circles
          around his eyes. He wears a green necktie and a purple shirt
          with the sleeves rolled up, so we see his scars.

          Batman starts to approach Riddler. Riddler puts the gun
          directly to Rachel's head. Batman stops in his tracks.

                              RIDDLER (CONT'D)
                    Don't you want to know what it is?

                              BATMAN
                    Don't hurt her, Riddler.

                              RIDDLER
                    Okay then. If you aim to give us a
                    shot, we can riddle you. What are
                    we?

                              BATMAN
                    Okay...wow...stumper...can you
                    repeat the question?

                              RIDDLER
                    If you AIM to give us a SHOT we can
                    RIDDLE YOU...

                              BATMAN
                    Riddle me?

                              RIDDLER
                    Yes, what would you be riddled
                    with?

                              RACHEL
                    It's bulle--

                              RIDDLER
                    No, let him answer.

                              BATMAN
                    A bull?

                              RIDDLER
                    How did you come to that.

                                BATMAN
                    I thought that's what she said.

                                RIDDLER
                     No,it's not bulls.

                              BATMAN
                    You know what? I have no idea.

                              RIDDLER
                    Seriously? I have ten more of these
                    and they get harder. This one was
                    just to get us started.

                              BATMAN
                    Is it helicopters?

                              RIDDLER
                    What? How does that work?

                              BATMAN
                    You know cause they...
                         (gives up)
                    I don't know.

                              RIDDLER
                    Okay, lets try this again. If you
                    AIM...
                         (motions with his gun)
                    To give us a shot...POW, you know.
                    We can riddle you...with us, you
                    can be riddled by us.

                              BATMAN
                    Is it you? You're riddling me.

                              RIDDLER
                    Okay...
                         (takes a moment to collect
                         himself)
                    Riddle doesn't necessarily mean a
                    joke or brainteaser in this
                    scenario.

                              BATMAN
                    Huh?

                               RACHEL
                    Batman, some words have multiple
                    meanings so in this case...

                              BATMAN
                    No hints! I'll get it. If you aim
                    to give us a shot we can riddle
                    you.

                              RIDDLER
                         (to rachel)
                    What do you see in him?

                              RACHEL
                    At the moment I'm not sure.

                              BATMAN
                    I got it! It's me!

                              RIDDLER
                    Oh my god no. You can get riddled
                    with something that you aim and
                    shoot. It's really all right there
                    for you. Just put it together.

                              BATMAN
                    ...Still nothing.

                              RIDDLER
                    Really? Really?

                              BATMAN
                    Hold on.

          Batman puts his hand to his ear.

                              BATMAN (CONT'D)
                    Lucius. Come in. I'm spelunking and
                    I need help.

                              
                         LUCIUS FOX (O.C.)
                         (Morgan Freeman voice)
                    Spelunking. Of course. Go ahead.

                              BATMAN
                    It's a riddle: If you aim to give
                    us a shot we can riddle you. What
                    are we?

                              LUCIUS FOX
                    Hmmm...is it helicopters?

                              BATMAN
                    No, that's what I thought.

                              LUCIUS FOX
                    Let me check the
                    supercomputer...It's doing the
                    little spinny ball thing.

                              BATMAN
                    Okay, I'll wait.

                              RIDDLER
                    OH MY GOD IT'S BULLETS! BULLETS! 
                    You AIM, you give them a SHOT and
                    then you are RIDDLED with bullets.

                              BATMAN
                    How could a bullet riddle me?
                    Bullets don't talk.

                              RIDDLER
                    OH MY GOD. THEN I WAS GOING TO
                    SHOOT YOU, LIKE THIS!

          Riddler shoots batman. The bullet ricochets off of his armor
          and hits Riddler in the leg, causing him to collapse. Batman
          goes over to him and starts to cuff him.

                              BATMAN
                    You know, it's no fun if you give
                         away the answer.
                         (to rachel)
                    Let's go Rachel.

                              RACHEL
                    You know what, I'll find my own way
                    home...

                              LUCIUS FOX (O.C.)
                    Okay the spinny ball went
                    away...the answer is....oh it's
                    back.