By Dan Gurewitch & Patrick Cassels
EXT. DILAPIDATED CITY STREET - DAY SHOTS OF the HOMELESS, UNEMPLOYED, RUNDOWN HOMES, etc. MAN 1 (V.O.) When Occupy Wall Street started and we learned that the richest 1% of the US population controls 43% of the country's wealth, we were shocked. MAN-ON-STREET style INTERVIEW with TWO RICH, CLEAN-CUT GUYS in SUITS. (All interviews are handled like this: EXTREMELY WEALTHY PEOPLE speaking to a questioner just OFF-CAMERA.) MAN 1 That means that there's 57% of the wealth that we don't have. That is an OUTRAGE. MAN 2 So, we're taking our message to the root of the problem: Main Street. MEN 1 & 2 We Are The One Percent! WEALTHY PEOPLE descend on the dilapidated street, past various CONFUSED ONLOOKERS: WEALTHY CROWD (chanting) WHAT DO WE HAVE?/MOST OF THE MONEY!/WHAT DO WE WANT?/THE REST OF IT! Woman 1 speaks to camera as the crowd marches behind her. WOMAN 1 This is so exciting. There are literally dozens of us. New interview set-up: MAN 3 and WOMAN 2. MAN 3 And now Obama wants this "Millionaire's Tax?" When I heard that, I dropped everything and had my driver bring me to my helipad. WOMAN 2 Do they really think we can afford having an infinitesimally smaller amount of money? Just admit, 1 of us is worth 262 of her. RE: A MIDDLE-CLASS WOMAN with groceries. New interview: MAN 4 If we have to pay more, countless businesses will fail. Speedboat Upholstery: DONE. Condos in Dubai: EMPTY. Rhino-Hunting Hats: NO LONGER WITH IVORY-TIPPED BRIMS. WHIP TO: A Teddy Roosevelt-style MILLIONAIRE looks at his safari hat with disgust. He throws it to the ground. SOAPBOX MAN, sitting atop a platform held by SERVANTS, rallies the millionaires: SOAPBOX MAN We're already making enough sacrifices. My butler's butler had to fire his butler's butler. The crowd REACTS to his sad story, angrily sipping tea. WOMAN 4 holds up a sign with letters spelled out in RED JEWELS, reading: "I USED ALL OF MY RUBIES ON THIS SIGN" WOMAN 4 I'm sick of poor people mooching off my hard-earned success! Just a minute ago someone asked if they could use this sign as their roof! New interview, with MAN 5 and MAN 6. MAN 5 Does the government think I'm going to be the first generation of my family to share our wealth? I'm rich. My daddy was rich. His daddy was rich. His daddy had slaves. MAN 6 (interrupting) Look at these fat cats. Camera WHIPS over to a HOMELESS MAN, lying on the ground surrounded by THREE FAT, DIRTY ALLEY CATS meowing softly. WOMAN 5 Did you know there are still some laws that apply to us? Check out this video I took of a cop straight-up refusing a bribe. INSERT: Grainy CELL PHONE VIDEO of a WEALTHY PERSON offering a COP money and the cop politely refusing. WOMAN 5 (V.O.) Land of the free, right? SOAPBOX MAN continues rallying everyone from atop his perch. SOAPBOX MAN Why should I have to pay a Millionaire's Tax? I'm a billionaire! Everyone CHEERS. New interview: WOMAN 6 Fox News is calling us "Organized." "Patriotic." "Purposeful." Ugh, only three adjectives? Why did I even buy that network? New interview: MAN 7 We're prepared to stay here as long as it takes. We bought all the real estate in the area and drove out the existing homeowners. CUT TO: A poor family moving out, holding boxes of objects. WOMAN 7 Our movement started here, but it's spreading to other places. Occupy Detroit! Occupy Blanchard, Oklahoma! Occupy the Long John Silvers off Route 21! MAN 8 Listen man, it comes down to this: If being rich is wrong, we don't WANT to be poor. The entire WEALTHY CROWD CHANTS: WEALTHY CROWD WE ARE THE ONE PERCENT! TEXT: Visit WeAreTheOnePercent.Org. There Is A Pay Wall.