Can I Give You A Ticket? (With Anna Torv)

By

Sarah Schneider

          EXT. MIDWEST HIGHWAY - DAY

          A SEDAN pulls over, followed closely by a COP CAR with it's
          lights flashing and siren blaring.

          A MENACING GUITAR LICK plays. CU on the POLICE OFFICER'S hip
          from behind as she slams her car door and adjusts her gun.
          Camera walks with the officer as she approaches the sedan,
          traveling up her side to reveal from over her shoulder the
          DRIVER, JIM, mid-40s.

                              ALIA (O.S.)
                    License and registration, please.

                              JIM
                    What's the problem, Officer?

          Reveal ALIA, a police officer, in full uniform. She's
          beautiful but unsmiling.

                              ALIA
                    The problem, sir, is that you were
                    speeding.

                              JIM
                    No I wasn't.

                              ALIA
                    I clocked you going 80 in a 65.

                              JIM
                    That's impossible. My cruise
                    control was set for 70. There's no
                    way.

          Alia realizes she has a tough customer; it's time to try a
          new approach. Coyly and cute:

                              ALIA
                    Are you sure you weren't speeding?

                              JIM
                         (confused)
                    What?

                              ALIA
                    'Cause I was paying super close
                    attention and it really looked like
                    you were speeding.

                              JIM
                    Well, I wasn't. Maybe you confused
                    me with another car.

          Alia bursts into laughter.

                              ALIA
                    That's funny. You're funny!

          Off Jim's awkward look:

                              ALIA
                    The thing is-
                         (she looks at his license)
                    -Jim.

          She leans forward, showing off the goods.

                              ALIA (CONT'D)
                    I'm just one itty bitty speeding
                    ticket away from making quota this
                    month. And I was really hoping I
                    could give you that ticket.

                              JIM
                    Sorry Officer, I just can't help
                    you.

                              ALIA
                         (disappointed)
                    It's okay. I understand.

          Time for another approach: Alia turns away from Jim and
          starts lightly crying. After a few sniffs:

                              JIM
                    Are...are you crying?

                              ALIA
                         (now sobbing)
                    I'm sorry, it's just -- if I don't
                    make quota this month -- my boss is
                    going to take my car away.

                              JIM
                    Oh...that's terrible.

                              ALIA
                    And I might even -- get fired!

                              JIM
                         (cracking)
                    Well Jesus, I don't want to make
                    you lose your job.

                              ALIA
                    It's okay, there's nothing you can
                    do. Sorry for wasting your time.

          She begins walking away. Jim reluctantly calls her back.

                              JIM
                    Hold on, hold on.
                         (beat)
                    What if I was speeding?

                              ALIA
                         (through tears)
                    But your cruise control was on.

                              JIM
                    Well...sometimes cruise control
                    doesn't work.

                              ALIA
                    Really? You would do that? For me?

                              JIM
                    I suppose I could have been going
                    75?

          Alia sniffles.

                              JIM
                    85?

          Alia breaks into a hint of a smile.

                              JIM
                    95 miles per hour?

                              ALIA
                         (flirting sweetly)
                    And your left tail light was out?

                              JIM
                    I just bought new tail lights last
                    month.

          Alia sticks out her bottom lip.

                              JIM (CONT'D)
                    I guess they were defective.

                              ALIA
                    And you scraped a school bus on
                    Route 31?

                              JIM
                    I'm going to stop you there.

                              ALIA
                    Oh Jim, thank you so much. I will
                    never give you a ticket again, I
                    promise.

                              JIM
                         (finally smiling a little)
                    You're welcome. Maybe I could take
                    you to dinner some-

          Alia, ABRUPTLY back to being stone-faced, loudly rips the
          ticket off her clipboard and hands it to Jim.

                              ALIA
                    I don't think so. That'll be 485
                    dollars. Have a nice day.

          She walks back to her car, breaking his tail light with her
          nightstick on the way.

          END.