Occupy Wall Street vs. The iPhone Line

By

Ben Joseph, David Young & Streeter Seidell

          EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY

          A group of PROTESTERS participate in Occupy Wall Street.

                              PROTESTERS
                    People not profits! People not
                    profits! 

          Two friends - PATRICK and AL - arrive at the protest.

                              PATRICK
                    Wow, I never thought Occupy Wall
                    Street would get this big!

          A MAN from one side of the protest turns to them.

                              MAN 1
                         (pointing)
                    Uh, that's Occupy Wall Street. This
                    is the line for the iPhone 4s.

          REVEAL: A LINE OF PEOPLE heading away from the protest. The
          end of it leads right up to Occupy Wall Street.

                              AL
                    The Apple store is 30 blocks away!

                              MAN 1
                    I know, right? Still, I
                    pre-ordered, so I should be OK.

                              PATRICK
                    Well, good luck with that. Come on,
                    Al, let's get our protest on. Al?

          Al is standing at the end of the line.

                              AL
                    Uh, the line's not going to be this
                    short again for a while....

                              PATRICK
                    Seriously?

                              AL
                    What if I buy iPhones for both of
                    us? We could coordinate via Twitter
                    like the rebels in Egypt!

                              MAN 1
                    They only give out one phone per
                    customer.

                              AL
                    Quick update to the iPhone plan-

                              IPHONE CUSTOMER 1
                    Whoa, is this the iPhone line? I'm
                    trying to get into Whole Foods.

                              MAN 1
                    Sorry, man. The Whole Food line is
                    over there.

          He points to ANOTHER LINE of WHOLE FOODS CUSTOMERS.

                              PATRICK
                    Come on. None of you want to
                    protest corporate America's
                    influence on our government?

                              WHOLE FOODS CUSTOMER
                    Hey, that sounds pretty cool!
                         (to the man in front of him)
                    Could you save my place for, like,
                    twenty minutes?

          The customer shakes his head.

                              WHOLE FOODS CUSTOMER
                         (to Patrick)
                    Ah, sorry man. Looks like a no go
                    on the protest today.

                              IPHONE CUSTOMER 1
                    I'm actually in desperate need of
                    organic beets. Anyone want to swap?

          A HIPSTER, in a mass of people, raises his hand.

                              IPHONE CUSTOMER 1
                    Sweet! Thanks.

          CUSTOMER 1 trades places with him and stands near Patrick.

                              PATRICK
                    Uh, this is actually just Occupy
                    Wall Street.

                              IPHONE CUSTOMER 2
                    DAMMIT!

                              HIPSTER
                         (in line)
                    Sorry, no takesies backsies.

                              PATRICK
                         (to the lines)
                    Come on. None of you are
                    embarrassed by this crass display
                    of consumption?

          IPHONE CUSTOMER 3, in line, supports Patrick.

                              IPHONE CUSTOMER 3
                    He's right! We should all be
                    embarrassed! Specifically the people
                    from this point forward.

          He motions to all the people in front of him in line. NOISES
          OF DISAPPROVAL at his obvious ploy.

                              IPHONE CUSTOMER 3
                         (holding up his phone)
                    Oh come on. I have to be here! I
                    only have an iPhone 3!

          UNDERSTANDING NOISES from the crowd.

          Two especially scruffy HIPSTERS enter.

                              HIPSTER 2
                    Uh, which of you are in line for
                    CMJ tickets?

                              WHOLE FOODS CUSTOMER
                    None of us. CMJ was weeks ago.

                              IPHONE CUSTOMER 2
                    And in Brooklyn.

                              HIPSTER 2
                         (to his friend)
                    Dude, I told you we overslept.

          Next to Patrick, a ROCKER holding a "WE ARE THE 1%" sign
          above his head speaks up.

                              ROCKER
                    We're actually in line for Grizzly
                    Bear tickets, if you want in.

                              PATRICK
                    You're not protesting? What about
                    your sign?

                              ROCKER
                    Well, when the line got this long,
                    I figured I'd multi-task.

                              PROTESTER
                    I mean, I'm just protesting until
                    my brunch reservation is ready.

                              HOSTESS
                    Ames, party of four!

                              PROTESTER
                    Oo, finally.

          The protester hands off his sign to Patrick as he exits.

                              PATRICK
                    Where is your dedication?

          Patrick points to one particularly NERVOUS MAN.

                              PATRICK
                    This guy's been here for six weeks!

                              NERVOUS MAN
                    I, uh, actually thought we were all
                    waiting to cross the street.
                         (beat)
                    I now see that is not the case.

          He awkwardly exits. Patrick attempts to rally the crowd.

                              PATRICK
                    EVERYBODY! Crony capitalism is
                    destroying our financial security!
                    We need to rise above our
                    materialistic desires!
                         (re: the various lines)
                    Whether it's an iPhone, organic
                    produce, or concert tickets-

                              MAN 2
                    We're, uh, actually in line for
                    Louis CK tickets.

                              PATRICK
                    I don't care- Wait, I thought those
                    were totally sold out.

                              MAN 2
                    He just added another show.

                              PATRICK
                    Oh, shit, really?

          Patrick drops his sign and runs to join them.

          END.