The kids' snack so hip you'll need reservations.
By Dan Gurewitch
NOTE: Tone/style of a cheesy, high-octane 90s ad.
INT. SUBURBAN HOME (KITCHEN) - DAY
Young BOY 1 and GIRL 1 (10-ish?) sit at the table, sad. They
(and ALL KIDS in the ad) have a definitive HIPSTER LOOK -
tight gym shorts & ironic Ts, tight jeans & plaid shirts,
large black-framed glasses, etc. Overexcited 90s narrator:
It's 1:45 on a Sunday, and your
tummy's growling. But breakfast is
BLAH and lunch is LAME!
TITLES: "Breakfast" appears, only to have the word "BLAH!"
SLAM over it. Same with "Lunch" and "LAME!"
You need BRUNCHABLES!
EXT. SUNNY DAY (WHEREVER)
CHEESY ZOOM to BOYS 1 & 2 and GIRLS 1 & 2: standing in a
row, they thrust BRUNCHABLES packages out in front of them.
BRUNCHABLES LOGO slams onto the screen.
ALL 4 KIDS
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY
The four kids sit at their lunch table, excitedly opening up
their individual Brunchables packages.
Developed at Oscar Mayer's Brooklyn
headquarters, Brunchables is a fun
new take on classic chow that kids
Boy 2 finishes opening his. As food is described from here
onward, we see CU SHOTS of MINIATURE VERSIONS OF CLASSY
BRUNCH FOOD in classic Lunchables plastic containers.
Eggs Benedict with fresh radicchio,
kale, couscous and salsa verde! And
a pouch of Mimosa!
BOY 2 & GIRL 2
I got a Dutch pancake and Eggs
Rothko with raisin fennel toast,
grits, apple butter and fair-trade
Trade me for my frittata and
caramelized grapefruit with mint?
If you throw in some pro bono
graphic design work!
BOY 2 & GIRL 2
(turn to each other, scream)
EXT. BACKYARD PORCH - DAY
BOY 3 and GIRL 3 sit at a table, sleepy and sad.
My mom forgot to make us brunch
because she's at kickball.
Try BRUNCHABLES MAX! Two exciting
High-energy cuts and zooms of super-exciting product shots
and graphics of these meals and their names:
TROPICAL SLAM: Sardine-radish
tapenade on a baguette, and a side
of chorizo and pickled onion slaw!
And BERRY BERRY BLAST: Homemade
sorgum granola Meuslix with organic
milk and elderberries!
The elderberries are locally-grown!
Don't forget your mini cervesa!
Attached to the side of a Brunchables container: A TINY CAN of CERVESA.
Then, cut to a GAME PIECE on the underside of the box:
Scratch off the game piece on the
bottom of your Brunchables to win
bottomless Bloody Marys!
BOY 3 sucks down a mini Bloody Mary - a little applesauce
container with red liquid inside - and tosses it onto a pile
of 20 MORE EMPTY CONTAINERS.
And now in specially-marked
Brunchables, an independent cinema
word jumble and a tiny New York
INSERT: A tiny word jumble, with the phrase "WAKING LIFE"
circled. Then GIRL 3 looks up from the TINY NEWSPAPER she's
holding between her fingers and shakes her head, smiling.
From my brain to Paul Krugman's
Final PRODUCT SHOT: Various BRUNCHABLES containers with
their ridiculously elaborate miniature food, flanked by tiny
Tecates, Bloody Marys and newspapers. $24.99 Each.
Brunchables, from Oscar Mayer
Brooklyn. It's a tiny little
plastic container, but it somehow
still takes three hours to eat!