Celebrities: Wings of a Dragon (with Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman)

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What happens when a paleontologist loves a creationist?

 

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Indian Boarding School

I was on exchange in India when I was 16 and my friend thought it would be cool to buy a "genuine indian hunting knife" - one of those awesome giant curved blades. We lived in dorms and had occasional room checks. Inevitably one of the Dorm Parents found his knife, but instead of getting him in trouble he just asked how much he had paid for it, and proclaimed that... Read More » my friend had paid 3 times too much. He then proceeded to check my friend out of boarding for the day to track down the seller and demand the money back. indian boading schools... awesome

Wings of a Dragon (with Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman)

Written by Nick Offerman

N Baby I’m back, here to win yer hand.
Tonight I got a notion to get kissed.
I love my Bible cuz I’m an American man,
So why won’t you have this Paleontologist?

M (Looky here) Yer a easy-ridin cowboy and I love yer horse.
Just quit yer evil job and I’ll commit.
Cuz yer “fossils” and yer “facts” and yer “carbon-datin”,
Well, accordin to the Bible they’re horseshit.

N Now, if you wanna talk rough, can you riddle me this:
How could man and dinosaurs co-habitate?
Why’s there no record, you cute Creationist?
Please convince me, so’s you and I can procreate.

M Darwin was a douche, evolution is a sin.
Here’s all the proof you need to be my Protagon(ist)
There’s a shitload of legends starring dinosaurs and men,
Only thing is, they called ‘em Dragons.

Chorus Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
We should combine the Bible and the Bill of Rights
And stick an American flag in.
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!

M Now, if it’s scientific facts that trip yer trigger,
Here’s the holy 411 that truly frees us:
Hit’s yer Bible what’s full of irrefutable data
In the gospel stories written by Jesus.

N Goddamn, little lady, I can see thatcher right
My perfessers done played me for a fool.
It’s so clear, this one science borne of God’s holy light
Is what we should be teachin the kids in school.

N But there’s one thing I cain’t figger, so tell me, sweet,
How did Noah fit them Dragons on his boat?
M Use yer noggin’…fer more than holdin’ up yer hat,
2 dinosaur eggs was all he had to tote.

N Yer beauty and yer faith done sold me hard,
My Creation/Patriotism has begun.
M Yer true-blue conversion puts the red in my cheeks,
And I think you’ll find these colors don’t run.


Chorus Hitch Yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
You were made in God’s Image!
It’s God’s magic, it ain’t braggin!
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon

cast
Himself Nick Offerman
Bar Patron Matt Offerman
Band Member Joe Berardi
Elvis Kuehn
Greg Kuehn
Doug Livingston
Herself Megan Mullally
Choral Singer Meryl Hathaway
Stefanie Woodburn
Noel Wells
Jessica Williams
Knight & Bar Patron Marshall Givens
Chris Fontakis
Luka Jones
Matt Shore
crew
Director Stoney Sharp
Lyrics Nick Offerman
Director of Photography Carl Herse
Assistant Director Matt Mazany
Director of Post Production Michael Schaubach
President of Original Content Sam Reich
Producer Creighton Desimone
Executive Producer Spencer Griffin
Post Production Producer Lacy Wittman
Editor Nick Barbieri
Production Manager Sam Sparks
Assistant Production Manager Jeremy Reitz
Production Office Coordinator David Kerns
Script Supervisor Pamela Robison
Art Director Alisha Silverstein
Hair and Makeup Kat Tritto
Production Coordinator Jeremy Reitz
Post Production Coordinator Amanda Madden
Visual Effects Gloo Studios
1st Assistant Camera Barry Elmore
DIT Devon Hoff-Weekes
Playback Operator Bo Sundberg
Gaffer Brandon Wilson
Key Grip Zach Helmer
Stephen Chang
Wardrobe Assistant Ruby Kennel
Laurel Pochucha
Composer Greg Kuehn
Production Accountant Christine Rodriguez
Assistant Production Accountant Daniel Siegel
Erin Marshall
Production Assistant Carmen Angelica
Dolly Grip Chris Frasier
Best Boy Joe Spain
Intern Karthik Ravishankar
Jonathan Edmundson
Jason Fasslar
Lindsay Rappaport