Wings of a Dragon (with Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman)Written by Nick Offerman
N Baby I’m back, here to win yer hand.
Tonight I got a notion to get kissed.
I love my Bible cuz I’m an American man,
So why won’t you have this Paleontologist?
M (Looky here) Yer a easy-ridin cowboy and I love yer horse.
Just quit yer evil job and I’ll commit.
Cuz yer “fossils” and yer “facts” and yer “carbon-datin”,
Well, accordin to the Bible they’re horseshit.
N Now, if you wanna talk rough, can you riddle me this:
How could man and dinosaurs co-habitate?
Why’s there no record, you cute Creationist?
Please convince me, so’s you and I can procreate.
M Darwin was a douche, evolution is a sin.
Here’s all the proof you need to be my Protagon(ist)
There’s a shitload of legends starring dinosaurs and men,
Only thing is, they called ‘em Dragons.
Chorus Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
We should combine the Bible and the Bill of Rights
And stick an American flag in.
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
M Now, if it’s scientific facts that trip yer trigger,
Here’s the holy 411 that truly frees us:
Hit’s yer Bible what’s full of irrefutable data
In the gospel stories written by Jesus.
N Goddamn, little lady, I can see thatcher right
My perfessers done played me for a fool.
It’s so clear, this one science borne of God’s holy light
Is what we should be teachin the kids in school.
N But there’s one thing I cain’t figger, so tell me, sweet,
How did Noah fit them Dragons on his boat?
M Use yer noggin’…fer more than holdin’ up yer hat,
2 dinosaur eggs was all he had to tote.
N Yer beauty and yer faith done sold me hard,
My Creation/Patriotism has begun.
M Yer true-blue conversion puts the red in my cheeks,
And I think you’ll find these colors don’t run.
Chorus Hitch Yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
You were made in God’s Image!
It’s God’s magic, it ain’t braggin!
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon
- Himself - Nick Offerman
- Bar Patron - Matt Offerman
- Band Member - Joe Berardi
- Elvis Kuehn
- Greg Kuehn
- Doug Livingston
- Herself - Megan Mullally
- Choral Singer - Meryl Hathaway
- Stefanie Woodburn
- Noel Wells
- Jessica Williams
- Knight & Bar Patron - Marshall Givens
- Chris Fontakis
- Luka Jones
- Matt Shore
- Director - Stoney Sharp
- Lyrics - Nick Offerman
- Director of Photography - Carl Herse
- Assistant Director - Matt Mazany
- Director of Post Production - Michael Schaubach
- President of Original Content - Sam Reich
- Producer - Creighton Desimone
- Executive Producer - Spencer Griffin
- Post Production Producer - Lacy Wittman
- Editor - Nick Barbieri
- Production Manager - Sam Sparks
- Assistant Production Manager - Jeremy Reitz
- Production Office Coordinator - David Kerns
- Script Supervisor - Pamela Robison
- Art Director - Alisha Silverstein
- Hair and Makeup - Kat Tritto
- Production Coordinator - Jeremy Reitz
- Post Production Coordinator - Amanda Madden
- Visual Effects - Gloo Studios
- 1st Assistant Camera - Barry Elmore
- DIT - Devon Hoff-Weekes
- Playback Operator - Bo Sundberg
- Gaffer - Brandon Wilson
- Key Grip - Zach Helmer
- Stephen Chang
- Wardrobe Assistant - Ruby Kennel
- Laurel Pochucha
- Composer - Greg Kuehn
- Production Accountant - Christine Rodriguez
- Assistant Production Accountant - Daniel Siegel
- Erin Marshall
- Production Assistant - Carmen Angelica
- Dolly Grip - Chris Frasier
- Best Boy - Joe Spain
- Intern - Karthik Ravishankar
- Jonathan Edmundson
- Lindsay Rappaport
- Jason Fassler