I was on exchange in India when I was 16 and my friend thought it would be cool to buy a "genuine indian hunting knife" - one of those awesome giant curved blades. We lived in dorms and had occasional room checks. Inevitably one of the Dorm Parents found his knife, but instead of getting him in trouble he just asked how much he had paid for it, and proclaimed that... Read More »
What happens when a paleontologist loves a creationist?
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Wings of a Dragon (with Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman)
N Baby I’m back, here to win yer hand.
Tonight I got a notion to get kissed.
I love my Bible cuz I’m an American man,
So why won’t you have this Paleontologist?
M (Looky here) Yer a easy-ridin cowboy and I love yer horse.
Just quit yer evil job and I’ll commit.
Cuz yer “fossils” and yer “facts” and yer “carbon-datin”,
Well, accordin to the Bible they’re horseshit.
N Now, if you wanna talk rough, can you riddle me this:
How could man and dinosaurs co-habitate?
Why’s there no record, you cute Creationist?
Please convince me, so’s you and I can procreate.
M Darwin was a douche, evolution is a sin.
Here’s all the proof you need to be my Protagon(ist)
There’s a shitload of legends starring dinosaurs and men,
Only thing is, they called ‘em Dragons.
Chorus Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
We should combine the Bible and the Bill of Rights
And stick an American flag in.
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
M Now, if it’s scientific facts that trip yer trigger,
Here’s the holy 411 that truly frees us:
Hit’s yer Bible what’s full of irrefutable data
In the gospel stories written by Jesus.
N Goddamn, little lady, I can see thatcher right
My perfessers done played me for a fool.
It’s so clear, this one science borne of God’s holy light
Is what we should be teachin the kids in school.
N But there’s one thing I cain’t figger, so tell me, sweet,
How did Noah fit them Dragons on his boat?
M Use yer noggin’…fer more than holdin’ up yer hat,
2 dinosaur eggs was all he had to tote.
N Yer beauty and yer faith done sold me hard,
My Creation/Patriotism has begun.
M Yer true-blue conversion puts the red in my cheeks,
And I think you’ll find these colors don’t run.
Chorus Hitch Yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
You were made in God’s Image!
It’s God’s magic, it ain’t braggin!
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon
| cast | |
| Himself | Nick Offerman |
| Bar Patron | Matt Offerman |
| Band Member | Joe Berardi |
| Elvis Kuehn | |
| Greg Kuehn | |
| Doug Livingston | |
| Herself | Megan Mullally |
| Choral Singer | Meryl Hathaway |
| Stefanie Woodburn | |
| Noel Wells | |
| Jessica Williams | |
| Knight & Bar Patron | Marshall Givens |
| Chris Fontakis | |
| Luka Jones | |
| Matt Shore | |
| crew | |
| Director | Stoney Sharp |
| Lyrics | Nick Offerman |
| Director of Photography | Carl Herse |
| Assistant Director | Matt Mazany |
| Director of Post Production | Michael Schaubach |
| President of Original Content | Sam Reich |
| Producer | Creighton Desimone |
| Executive Producer | Spencer Griffin |
| Post Production Producer | Lacy Wittman |
| Editor | Nick Barbieri |
| Production Manager | Sam Sparks |
| Assistant Production Manager | Jeremy Reitz |
| Production Office Coordinator | David Kerns |
| Script Supervisor | Pamela Robison |
| Art Director | Alisha Silverstein |
| Hair and Makeup | Kat Tritto |
| Production Coordinator | Jeremy Reitz |
| Post Production Coordinator | Amanda Madden |
| Visual Effects | Gloo Studios |
| 1st Assistant Camera | Barry Elmore |
| DIT | Devon Hoff-Weekes |
| Playback Operator | Bo Sundberg |
| Gaffer | Brandon Wilson |
| Key Grip | Zach Helmer |
| Stephen Chang | |
| Wardrobe Assistant | Ruby Kennel |
| Laurel Pochucha | |
| Composer | Greg Kuehn |
| Production Accountant | Christine Rodriguez |
| Assistant Production Accountant | Daniel Siegel |
| Erin Marshall | |
| Production Assistant | Carmen Angelica |
| Dolly Grip | Chris Frasier |
| Best Boy | Joe Spain |
| Intern | Karthik Ravishankar |
| Jonathan Edmundson | |
| Jason Fasslar | |
| Lindsay Rappaport | |





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