What happens when a paleontologist loves a creationist?
Wings of a Dragon (with Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman)
N Baby I’m back, here to win yer hand.
Tonight I got a notion to get kissed.
I love my Bible cuz I’m an American man,
So why won’t you have this Paleontologist?
M (Looky here) Yer a easy-ridin cowboy and I love yer horse.
Just quit yer evil job and I’ll commit.
Cuz yer “fossils” and yer “facts” and yer “carbon-datin”,
Well, accordin to the Bible they’re horseshit.
N Now, if you wanna talk rough, can you riddle me this:
How could man and dinosaurs co-habitate?
Why’s there no record, you cute Creationist?
Please convince me, so’s you and I can procreate.
M Darwin was a douche, evolution is a sin.
Here’s all the proof you need to be my Protagon(ist)
There’s a shitload of legends starring dinosaurs and men,
Only thing is, they called ‘em Dragons.
Chorus Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
We should combine the Bible and the Bill of Rights
And stick an American flag in.
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
M Now, if it’s scientific facts that trip yer trigger,
Here’s the holy 411 that truly frees us:
Hit’s yer Bible what’s full of irrefutable data
In the gospel stories written by Jesus.
N Goddamn, little lady, I can see thatcher right
My perfessers done played me for a fool.
It’s so clear, this one science borne of God’s holy light
Is what we should be teachin the kids in school.
N But there’s one thing I cain’t figger, so tell me, sweet,
How did Noah fit them Dragons on his boat?
M Use yer noggin’…fer more than holdin’ up yer hat,
2 dinosaur eggs was all he had to tote.
N Yer beauty and yer faith done sold me hard,
My Creation/Patriotism has begun.
M Yer true-blue conversion puts the red in my cheeks,
And I think you’ll find these colors don’t run.
Chorus Hitch Yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon!
You were made in God’s Image!
It’s God’s magic, it ain’t braggin!
Hitch yer Wagon! To the Wings of a Dragon
|Bar Patron||Matt Offerman|
|Band Member||Joe Berardi|
|Choral Singer||Meryl Hathaway|
|Knight & Bar Patron||Marshall Givens|
|Director of Photography||Carl Herse|
|Assistant Director||Matt Mazany|
|Director of Post Production||Michael Schaubach|
|President of Original Content||Sam Reich|
|Executive Producer||Spencer Griffin|
|Post Production Producer||Lacy Wittman|
|Production Manager||Sam Sparks|
|Assistant Production Manager||Jeremy Reitz|
|Production Office Coordinator||David Kerns|
|Script Supervisor||Pamela Robison|
|Art Director||Alisha Silverstein|
|Hair and Makeup||Kat Tritto|
|Production Coordinator||Jeremy Reitz|
|Post Production Coordinator||Amanda Madden|
|Visual Effects||Gloo Studios|
|1st Assistant Camera||Barry Elmore|
|Playback Operator||Bo Sundberg|
|Key Grip||Zach Helmer|
|Wardrobe Assistant||Ruby Kennel|
|Production Accountant||Christine Rodriguez|
|Assistant Production Accountant||Daniel Siegel|
|Production Assistant||Carmen Angelica|
|Dolly Grip||Chris Frasier|
|Best Boy||Joe Spain|