My Little Brony

By

Jenny Jaffe & Ben Joseph

          INT. BRONIES APARTMENT

          CU on two MY LITTLE PONY TOYS, PINKIE PIE and TWILIGHT
          SPARKLE, new in their package. They are being carried into
          an apartment.

                              PINKIE PIE
                    Oh, wow!  This must be our new
                    home!

                              TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                    I can't wait to get played with by
                    some beautiful little girl! She'll
                    brush our hair and we'll have tea
                    parties and--

                              BRONY (OC)
                         (in a deep man voice)
                    My little pony, my little pony...

          Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle look at each other in shock.

                              PINKIE PIE
                    Oh no...

                              PINKIE PIE/TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                         (filled with fear)
                    Brony!!!

          POV of the ponies as a scary, hairy, fat hand reaches in and
          takes them out and puts them on the table.

                              TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                    We didn't get a little girl at all!
                    We got an emotionally stunted grown
                    man! 

                              PINKIE PIE
                    What does he want with us? We're
                    meant for eight year old girls!

                              BRONY
                         (on phone)
                    Yeah... just picked up Pinkie Pie
                    and Twilight Sparkle to add to the
                    collection.

                              PINKIE PIE
                    The collection??

          They look up at a couple shelves full of traumatized looking
          MY LITTLE PONIES. 

                              TRAUMATIZED MY LITTLE PONIES
                         (whispered)
                    Runnn!!!

                              BRONY
                         (still on phone)
                    ...and I know just where I'm gonna
                    put them.

          Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie look at eachother,
          frightened.

                              PINKIE PIE
                    Put me anywhere, just not next to
                    the fleshlight!

          Cut to: a WILTING FLESHLIGHT next to one of the My Little
          Ponies on the shelf.  It deflates a little, audibly.

                              BRONY
                         (still on phone)
                    Brohoof!  I'm out.

          Brony hangs up phone and approaches Twilight Sparkle and
          Pinkie Pie.  He reaches out and pets Pinkie Pie who recoils
          and let's out a disgusted noise. He picks up a brush and
          starts to pet Twilight Sparkle.

                              TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                    Oh no. Oh no. Ew. EW! He's getting
                    cheetoh dust in my mane!

                              PINKIE PIE
                    He smells like Bawls Energy drink!

          Brony starts to pick up Twilight Sparkle.

                              TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                    Whoaaaa!

                              BRONY
                         (holding her to his face)
                    You're going to be my best friend!
                    We're going to run quests and skype
                    with my internet girlfriend in
                    Korea and listen to Skrillex and...

          Brony trails off in the background.

                              TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                         (to Pinkie Pie, a little
                         panicked)
                    Okay, I was really hoping he was
                    being ironic, but I think he's
                    actually being sincere!

          Pinkie Pie tries to slink away.

                              BRONY
                    And don't think I've forgotten
                    about you, Pinkie Pie.

          The Brony pets Pinkie Pie, giggling to himself
          occassionally.

                              PINKIE PIE
                         (fearful)
                    Can pony toys get violated?

                              BRONY
                         (reverently)
                    In episode seven, you won
                    thirty-five consecutive games of
                    tic-tac-toe against Rarity!

          CUT TO: Rarity on shelf, half her face worn away.

                              RARITY
                         (in a broken voice)
                    My face is worn down from him
                    kissing me.

          CUT BACK to Pinkie Pie, whimpering in fear as the Brony pets
          her and Twilight Sparkle is struggling in his other hand.

                              BRONY
                         (to Pinkie Pie)
                    ...and that's why you're my
                    favorite pony.

                              TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                    I wish I could appreciate that he's
                    not afraid to challenge gender
                    stereotypes, but I'm too distracted
                    by the erotic fan fiction on his
                    computer!

          CUT TO: computer screen with a story called "Applejack and
          the FORBIDDEN FRUIT by Dan Gurewitch" with an erotic drawing
          of a My Little Pony.

          A TV in the background switches from boring muted news to My
          Little Pony.  The Brony does a girly scream, puts Pinkie Pie
          and Twilight Sparkle down and turns up the tv volume. He
          sings along and does a dance in the background.

                              TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                    Okay, this is our chance! Let's
                    make a run for it!

          Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie head for the door.

                              PINKIE PIE
                         (to the collection of My
                         Little Ponies)
                    We'll come back for you!

          The Brony crosses in front of the fleeing ponies, closes the
          door, and turns back to his collection.

                              BRONY
                    Now it's time to play with my
                    favorite toy.

          Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie look at each other, scared.
          All the other My Little Ponies quiver with fear.

                              BRONY
                    The most magical friendship of all.

          The Brony reaches for the Fleshlight. Close-up on the
          wilting fleshlight.

                              FLESHLIGHT
                         (high pitched voice)
                    Kill me!

          END.