Friendship is tragic.
By Jenny Jaffe & Ben Joseph
INT. BRONIES APARTMENT
CU on two MY LITTLE PONY TOYS, PINKIE PIE and TWILIGHT
SPARKLE, new in their package. They are being carried into
Oh, wow! This must be our new
I can't wait to get played with by
some beautiful little girl! She'll
brush our hair and we'll have tea
(in a deep man voice)
My little pony, my little pony...
Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle look at each other in shock.
PINKIE PIE/TWILIGHT SPARKLE
(filled with fear)
POV of the ponies as a scary, hairy, fat hand reaches in and
takes them out and puts them on the table.
We didn't get a little girl at all!
We got an emotionally stunted grown
What does he want with us? We're
meant for eight year old girls!
Yeah... just picked up Pinkie Pie
and Twilight Sparkle to add to the
They look up at a couple shelves full of traumatized looking
MY LITTLE PONIES.
TRAUMATIZED MY LITTLE PONIES
(still on phone)
...and I know just where I'm gonna
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie look at eachother,
Put me anywhere, just not next to
Cut to: a WILTING FLESHLIGHT next to one of the My Little
Ponies on the shelf. It deflates a little, audibly.
(still on phone)
Brohoof! I'm out.
Brony hangs up phone and approaches Twilight Sparkle and
Pinkie Pie. He reaches out and pets Pinkie Pie who recoils
and let's out a disgusted noise. He picks up a brush and
starts to pet Twilight Sparkle.
Oh no. Oh no. Ew. EW! He's getting
cheetoh dust in my mane!
He smells like Bawls Energy drink!
Brony starts to pick up Twilight Sparkle.
(holding her to his face)
You're going to be my best friend!
We're going to run quests and skype
with my internet girlfriend in
Korea and listen to Skrillex and...
Brony trails off in the background.
(to Pinkie Pie, a little
Okay, I was really hoping he was
being ironic, but I think he's
actually being sincere!
Pinkie Pie tries to slink away.
And don't think I've forgotten
about you, Pinkie Pie.
The Brony pets Pinkie Pie, giggling to himself
Can pony toys get violated?
In episode seven, you won
thirty-five consecutive games of
tic-tac-toe against Rarity!
CUT TO: Rarity on shelf, half her face worn away.
(in a broken voice)
My face is worn down from him
CUT BACK to Pinkie Pie, whimpering in fear as the Brony pets
her and Twilight Sparkle is struggling in his other hand.
(to Pinkie Pie)
...and that's why you're my
I wish I could appreciate that he's
not afraid to challenge gender
stereotypes, but I'm too distracted
by the erotic fan fiction on his
CUT TO: computer screen with a story called "Applejack and
the FORBIDDEN FRUIT by Dan Gurewitch" with an erotic drawing
of a My Little Pony.
A TV in the background switches from boring muted news to My
Little Pony. The Brony does a girly scream, puts Pinkie Pie
and Twilight Sparkle down and turns up the tv volume. He
sings along and does a dance in the background.
Okay, this is our chance! Let's
make a run for it!
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie head for the door.
(to the collection of My
We'll come back for you!
The Brony crosses in front of the fleeing ponies, closes the
door, and turns back to his collection.
Now it's time to play with my
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie look at each other, scared.
All the other My Little Ponies quiver with fear.
The most magical friendship of all.
The Brony reaches for the Fleshlight. Close-up on the
(high pitched voice)