Mary-Kate deals with life in the slammer.
By Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich
INT. JAIL - DAY
Bodyguard picks up a phone on his side of a glass divider.
We reveal Mary-Kate: crazy hair, jail getup.
SHHH. Where you come from, son?
We don't use real names around
here. Allow me to introduce
myself: I am "candy ass white
This must be change of pace for
A change of pace? It's a makeover
of pace. Pace got a pacelift.
I paid your bail, but you're going
to stay here overnight.
Overnight. Got it.
We'll have to break me out.
You're right. We don't want to
rush our jailbreak plan. It needs
to be subtle. Unnoticeable.
Ram your car-
Let me finish! Ram your car into
my jail cell.
Let me finish!
I was finished.
Is there anything legal I can do
Can you get me a sponge?
Yeah, I made these girlfriends, and
they drew on me-
Mary-Kate reveals a swastika tattoo on her bicep.
(slowly breaking down)
-and it won't wash off with toilet
paper, and it hurt, and it's a
tattoo. I just want something to
bite down on next time.
I know, I know. It's an awful
place for a tattoo. I don't wear
sleeveless things. No one's gonna
Maybe that's for the best.
Why? What does it mean? I was
told it's anti-juice.
Yeah. I mean, juice is bad for
you, right? It's full of sugar. I
never thought about it, but I guess
I am anti-juice.
You're not anti-juice.
I am! I'm totally anti-juice!
You're not anti-juice the way this
tattoo is anti-juice.
You know how all juice says "not
from concentrate?" Well,
apparently, all we need to do is
put all the juice back in
Abruptly, Mary-Kate's cell mate - Nicole - appears.
Nicole, Bodyguard. Bodyguard,
Nice to meet you, Nicole.
I once fed a man to another man.
This apparently had a large impact
I'll see you at home.
We're roommates. We're working it
out. I take up the top bunk, and
she takes up the crazy.
I'll come back for you in the
You know, normally when we do this
it's the middle of the night and
It'll comfort me!
You can't be serious.
You asked if there was anything you
This is insane.
Please please please please please.
He unbuttons his shirt and presses his chest against the
Just what I needed. Gross.
A guard has been standing by.
The guard drags Mary-Kate away as Bodyguard buttons up.
Bodyguard, I'll never take you for
granted again! Make sure I don't!
Put it in my calendar! A repeat
event! A repeat eveeeeent!