Pat, David and Emily don't want you to know the many, many famous people they've met.
By Patrick Cassels
INT. WRITERS DESKS Note: The celebrity names in dashes are delivered as quick, arrogant asides, trying too hard to be nonchalant. DAN and EMILY are hanging around Dan's desk, drinking coffee, having a casual conversation. PAT enters. EMILY (to Dan) I'm not saying you're making it up or anything. I'm just skeptical PAT What's up, guys? DAN Pat, get this: Emily doesn't think cartwheels are an actual thing. EMILY Like it's a flip but... what? Sideways? That sounds made up!!! PAT (amused) Oh, it's so crazy you mention that, 'caus I was totally just having a salad with my good friend Bradley and we -- Cooper -- started talking about jumping jacks... EMILY Wow! PAT What? Oh, Bradley Cooper. Stupid. I know him and junk. Bonkers, yeah. EMILY No, I meant the salad part. It's crazy because me and Kate were buying -- Hudson -- organic vegetables and she was all like, "Guys don't eat salad!" Ha ha. Like, WHAT? DAN Oh, Emily! I almost forgot. You're gonna love this: I was helping my neighbor Tony move, and there was SO MUCH COINAGE -- Hawk... EMILY Sorry! Pat, I just remembered. You're gonna love this: I was playing tennis with Andre, and he wanted to reschedule -- The Giant... PAT (interrupting) Dan, you're gonna love this: I was at James' wedding last week -- Van -- and the -- Der -- DJ -- Beek -- was so bad. EMILY Pat, gonna louve this: So I'm hardcore brunching with Justin, Lance, Joey and JC, and we're waiting for our table -- Timberlake-- PAT Right. EMILY Bass. PAT Right. EMILY And Fatone. PAT Right. EMILY And Chasez. PAT Right. EMILY All four members of 'N Sync. PAT Cool. EMILY I guess? Stupid, really. "No Strings Attached." Dumb. 11 million albums sold. Whatever, but yes it's bonkers that I know them, right? PAT Oh! Dan- DAN Yeah? PAT -iel Day Lewis and I were at Spinning class last week... DAN Oh. PAT Wait, sorry to cut myself off, but you guys will love this: me and Taylor were hiking... EMILY Swift? DAN Lautner. But Taylor Swift was there, too, yes. Also Taylor Kitsch, Taylor Hicks, and Taylor Jenkins. EMILY Taylor Jenkins. DAN My high school superintendent. Nice guy. EMILY (contrary to previous line) Yes I know him. DAN Interruption, but Emily, you I feel especially need to hear this: So I'm eating a bowl of Rice, and there's this -- A Roni -- PAT I was wearing these blue, and -- jeans... EMILY I lost my number-2, and -- pencil... DAN I sometimes suffer from night, and -- terrors... EMILY Bonkers! DAVID enters. DAVID Can you guys keep it down. Sam and I are trying to have a meeting. DAN Sam? DAVID Uh, Reich. Dan, Pat and Emily burst into MOCK IMPRESSED JEERS. DAN/DAVID/EMILY Woah!/Mr. Fancy!/Excuuuuuse me! END.