Pat, David and Emily don't want you to know the many, many famous people they've met.
By Patrick Cassels
INT. WRITERS DESKS
Note: The celebrity names in dashes are delivered as quick,
arrogant asides, trying too hard to be nonchalant.
DAN and EMILY are hanging around Dan's desk, drinking
coffee, having a casual conversation. PAT enters.
I'm not saying you're making it up
or anything. I'm just skeptical
What's up, guys?
Pat, get this: Emily doesn't think
cartwheels are an actual thing.
Like it's a flip but... what?
Sideways? That sounds made up!!!
Oh, it's so crazy you mention that,
'caus I was totally just having a
salad with my good friend Bradley
and we -- Cooper -- started talking
about jumping jacks...
What? Oh, Bradley Cooper. Stupid. I
know him and junk. Bonkers, yeah.
No, I meant the salad part. It's
crazy because me and Kate were
buying -- Hudson -- organic
vegetables and she was all like,
"Guys don't eat salad!" Ha ha.
Oh, Emily! I almost forgot. You're
gonna love this: I was helping my
neighbor Tony move, and there was
SO MUCH COINAGE -- Hawk...
Sorry! Pat, I just remembered.
You're gonna love this: I was
playing tennis with Andre, and he
wanted to reschedule -- The
Dan, you're gonna love this: I was
at James' wedding last week -- Van
-- and the -- Der -- DJ -- Beek --
was so bad.
Pat, gonna louve this: So I'm
hardcore brunching with Justin,
Lance, Joey and JC, and we're
waiting for our table --
All four members of 'N Sync.
I guess? Stupid, really. "No
Strings Attached." Dumb. 11 million
albums sold. Whatever, but yes it's
bonkers that I know them, right?
-iel Day Lewis and I were at
Spinning class last week...
Wait, sorry to cut myself off, but
you guys will love this: me and
Taylor were hiking...
Lautner. But Taylor Swift was
there, too, yes. Also Taylor
Kitsch, Taylor Hicks, and Taylor
My high school superintendent. Nice
(contrary to previous line)
Yes I know him.
Interruption, but Emily, you I feel
especially need to hear this: So
I'm eating a bowl of Rice, and
there's this -- A Roni --
I was wearing these blue, and --
I lost my number-2, and --
I sometimes suffer from night, and
Can you guys keep it down. Sam and
I are trying to have a meeting.
Dan, Pat and Emily burst into MOCK IMPRESSED JEERS.
Woah!/Mr. Fancy!/Excuuuuuse me!