From CH Staff on
Based on the hit novels and movie, it's the new board game where girls face their biggest fears: dating and death.
By Patrick Cassels
INT. TEENAGE GIRL'S BEDROOM -- CIRCA 1990 A vintage ad for a teen girl board game. Sparkly, Cindy Lauper-ish MUSIC plays. Three giggling teenage girls (or 20s comics in costume), ROSA, ELAINE and ANDREE, sit cross-legged on a bed. Andree pulls out a pink box: The Hunger Games Game. THEME SONG (V.O.) Boys! And fighting to the death! And Kissing!/The Hunger Game! The girls unfold the board. Its spaces are named after Hunger Games locations: Cornucopia, Training Center, etc. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (V.O.) The Hunger Games is now a home game! Slaughter your opponents, survive at all costs, and find out who-who-who's got a crush on you. ELAINE (to friends) Just like Katniss Everdeen! Rosa rolls and moves her token (a colored mockingjay) to a sad, grey area labeled "THE REAPING." ROSA They're choosing Tributes to fight! (sighs; in love) I wonder if Peeta will be there. ELAINE Duh! Failure to attend is punishable by public whipping. ANDREE Plus he's totally into you. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Collect clues about your secret admirer, and how he's planning to kill you. Andree picks up a game card and reads. ANDREE "Thrash has bludgeoned your opponent to death with a rock." ELAINE Oh la la. Somebody likes you. ANDREE Shut up! Andree playfully whacks Elaine with a pillow. Rosa holds up a pink pad & arrow-shaped pen. ROSA Okay, does my secret crush have... all his limbs? Andree and Elaine, bursting with excitement, nod. ROSA (crossing off names) See ya' later, you, you, you, you and you. FEMALE ANNOUNCER Get boy tips from Hunger Games champ and broken alcoholic Haymitch Abernathy. Andree presses the top of a plastic Haymitch head. He "vomits" out a card. Andree reads it. ANDREE "The fastest way to a boy's heart is between the third and fourth ribs, with a sharp arrow." Elaine spins a wheel with a Cornucopia on the handle. The wheel is filled with horrible injuries from the book: leg gash, wasp stings. It lands on BROWN URINE. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Guess wrong and spin the wheel... ELAINE I got brown urine from dehydration. ROSA/ANDREE So embarrassing! FEMALE ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Last long enough and become the most wanted girl in Panem. A plastic pink phone RINGS. ROSA OMG, Gale's calling me! Rosa answers the phone. The others lean in to listen. GALE (V.O.) (pained) Katniss, my family's starving! ROSA (to friends) He knows my name! The girls scream, overjoyed. PRODUCT SHOT of The Hunger Games Game. ANNOUNCER Love is a battlefield when you play The Hunger Games Game. ROSA/ANDREE/ELAINE (to CAMERA) May the odds be ever in your favor! The girls collapse onto the bed, laughing. CUT TO a SMALL GIRL covered in insane orange makeup. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (V.O.) And don't forget Cinna's Makeover Boutique, available wherever bad toys are sold. END.