Google Chrome Snooki's Baby Commercial

By

David Young

          UPBEAT/INSPIRATIONAL/SIMPLE PIANO MUSIC plays over the
          GOOGLE CHROME LOGO. A CURSOR clicks it and we're on the "Get
          Started" screen.

          CUT TO:

          In the "Desired Login Name" box, someone types,
          "dear.Snooki.Jr." then the cursor clicks on "Create my
          account."

          CUT TO:

          The "Compose Mail" button is clicked. In the "To" box,
          someone types, "Dear.Snooki.Jr@gmail.com"

          We then MOVE DOWN to the body of the e-mail. Someone types:

          "Dear Snooki Jr.

          U arrived!!! Holla!!!"

          After a beat, a PICTURE appears in the e-mail of a VERY
          GUIDO-LOOKING DUDE (Jionni) wearing sunglasses holding a
          baby. Underneath the photo, someone types:

          "You were slippery as fuck LOL. How hot does daddy look?!"

          The cursor clicks SEND.

          CUT TO:

          In the Subject line of an e-mail, someone types, "Happy
          Furst Birthday!"

          A VIDEO appears in the e-mail of a crying baby sitting on a
          leopard-skin bed. The baby has bronze skin and is decked-out
          in Guido clothes.

          Beneath the e-mail, it reads:

          "You smelled like shit on your bday. Stinky ass diaper haha"

          CUT TO:

          A video title says, "U r a rock star!!!!!"

          WIDEN OUT to see the video: From the back, we see Snooki
          dancing at a night club. She spins around revealing her
          CRYING BABY in her arms.

          The cursor clicks "Send."

          CUT TO:

          A subject line. Someone types, "FUUUUUUUUCK"

          A picture appears of the now 3 year old GUIDO CHILD holding
          a NEWBORN.

          We see a line from the e-mail:

          "I fuckin told Jionni he should have worn a condom"

          CUT TO:

          An IMAGE inside an e-mail of the young child holding up a
          LARGE STUFFED ANIMAL GORILLA.

          Beneath that, it reads, "Ur first juiced up gorilla!"

          CUT TO:

          A subject line that reads, "In da hospital"

          We see part of the e-mail that reads: "I gave u too much Red
          Bull."

          Then it PANS DOWN to show another part that reads: "The can
          should have a warning label or some shit like that."

          A picture of the kid, lying in the hospital bed, eating a
          LARGE PLATE OF PASTA.

          Underneath the picture, it reads, "Your hair was nappy as
          hell HAHA xoxo"

          CUT TO:

          The body of an e-mail. It reads, "Our home for the first 4
          years."

          In a new tab, someone types, "401 Boulevard, Seaside
          Heights, NJ."

          The MAP zooms in until it's a street view of the OUTSIDE OF
          KARMA NIGHT CLUB.

          CUT TO:

          The Subject reads, "Where u were made I think"

          In the e-mail, a picture appears of the Jersey Shore, 
          "Smoosh room."

          CUT TO:

          Like in the original, the cursor clicks on Albums. The first
          picture that pops up is of "The Situation." Underneath the
          photo, it reads:

          "Could also maybe be ur dad but he sucks"

          Then the next photo is of Vinny. Underneath the photo, it
          reads:

          "Another possible dad, but Jionni is hotter"

          CUT TO

          The subject reads: "Ur growing up so fast!"

          A VIDEO of Snooki Jr. walking out of a Tattoo Parlor. She
          turns around and lifts up her shirt to camera, revealing a
          LOWER BACK TATTOO of an ITALIAN FLAG.

          CUT TO:

          A body of an e-mail. We see it says, "I've been writing u
          since u were born."

          Then beneath that, we see:

          "your gonna flip when u c how fuckin annoyin u were. Mwah!"

          Then beneath that, we see:

          "Love,

          Snooki (Your mom dumbass JK!)"

          FADE TO WHITE:

          Then it reads: "Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi." A beat. Then next
          to her name it reads, "Mom." Another beat. Then next to
          "mom" it reads, "unfortunately."

          FADE TO WHITE.

          A beat, then "Good Luck, Snooki Jr." appears.

          CUT TO THE GOOGLE CHROME LOGO

          END