By Jenny Jaffe & Josh Ruben
INT. METH LAB OOPS DID I SAY THAT I MEAN OFFICE DAVID and EMILY are having lunch. DAVID Are you all caught up on Breaking Bad? JOSH enters acting like JESSE. JOSH Are YOU all caught up on Breaking Bad? BITCH? JENNY Oh my god, Josh, you've been doing that Jesse impression for like 2 weeks. DAVID It's a good impression, but you seriously need to chill. It's weird. JOSH How about I do an impression of my fist going into your FACE?! BITCH! DAVID Come on, Josh, now you're just being offensive. INT. SAMS OFFICE SAM I mean, I'm just not sure if I like this draft or not... Josh, do you need something? JOSH You wanna buy some crystal? SAM I don't, uh- JOSH Yo, look, don't waste my time, bitch. I got the blue shit if you got the cheddar. LET'S GO. BEN Uh, we're working... Josh pulls out a gun. He's teary eyed. JOSH I don't' wanna have to do this, Gale! BEN Is that a real gun?! A KNOCK on the door. It's Jenny and DAVID. JENNY Sam, can we talk to you for a second? They leave Ben with Josh. As thy walk away we hear a GUNSHOT! INT. OUTSIDE SAM'S OFFICE David, Sam and Jenny pow-wow. JENNY Obviously this is getting a little out of control. DAVID It's like he's become Jesse. The other day he invited all of these crack whores to the office. SAM I think I have a plan... INT. OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Josh is pouring out a bag of BLUE ROCK CANDY and smashing it like crystal. Sam approaches, dressed as WALTER WHITE. SAM Hey, uh, Jesse. It's me, Walt. JOSH Mr. White! What are you doing here? SAM Well, I'm actually looking for someone, maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy. Funny guy. Hairy. Name's Josh. Likes to dress up and play kooky characters? He holds up a PICTURE of Josh as the OWL LADY. JOSH Uh. I don't know what you're uh- Jenny approaches in a blonde wig: SKYLER JENNY (as Skyler) No! Let's not beat around the bush Walt. Josh, I don't know what's going on with you right now, but this Jesse impression needs to stop. JOSH (breaking character) I, uh, don't know what you're trying to do here, but it's not cool, bitch! DAVID enters on crutches. DAVID (as Walt Jr.) You're a pussy, Josh! You need to stop acting like Jesse and start acting like YOURSELF. JENNY I just don't know how much longer I can take this. You are tearing this office apart. She picks up a BABY from O.S. and starts feeding it just as Murph enters, also dressed as JESSE. MURPH Yeah! And, like, everyone knows I'm Jesse! And you're Josh! If there were two Jesse's it would be like, really confusing! Bitch! Everyone nods in agreement. They are suddenly flanked by Pat in a bald cap as HANK (walking with a cane) and Emily as MARIE (dressed in all purple). Sam puts his hands on Josh's shoulders. He does the "emotional Walt mouth." SAM What you need to do... is apply yourself. This is a big moment for Josh who slowly takes off his hat. Emotional MUSIC plays. JOSH Oh my god... I'm so sorry, guys. I guess I just love Breaking Bad so much and ever since season 4 ended I don't know what to do with myself... JENNY You were so wrapped up in your own little world that you didn't notice we missed the real you. JOSH Wow! I guess I really learned a lesson today! So, no more Jesse impression? SAM/JENNY/CRAIG/MURPH No more Jesse impression. BACK to Josh - now SALAMANCA, wheelchair-bound in a beer-stained tank top and hawaiian shirt. He rings his bell. DING DING DING. Everyone looks momentarily disappointed... then LAUGHS! Josh shits himself.